DON'T OPEN 'TIL NEW YEARS EVE

I'll be gone 'til January, so here's an early posting of a eerie version of "Auld Land Syne" by the three-theremin East Coast combo The Lothars.

I was just thinking...what if Ron Jeremy had a Christmas album? "Ron's Rated X-mas"! He could do stuff like "Round Young Virgins," "A Lay In A Manger," "Heavenly Piece," "Jesus, Mary & Jenna"...

THE BEASTLES

Boston's djBC has a collection of Beastie Boy vocals set to Beatles music, similiar to Dangermouse's "Grey Album" called "The Beastles," but I like this one better, probably cuz a) BC throws more imagination and variety into the mix and, b) I love the Beastie Boys. But EMI does not love djBC, so grab this now - it won't be up long.

EYEBALL SKELETON

Eyeball Skeleton are a nine-year-old boy, his seven-year-old little brother, and their dad on guitar and drum machine. They have a great theme song called "Eyeball Skeleton", natch, but 'tis the season, so here's a brand-spankin' newie from 'em called "Santa's On The Run." Their debut album is scheduled for an early '05 release, and will feature such titles as
"Spooky Mummy Case," "Flat Top Vampire," "The Bouncing Apes," "Bad Guy Stew," and "I Don't Eat Cereal On The Weekends."

VIDEO GAME XMAS MUSIC

The best Christmas music release of the year? Perhaps. A various artists EP called "The 8bits of Christmas" presents holiday hits using sampled video-game sounds. I know that sounds like an annoying collection of beeps, but it's amazing musical - dig "The First Blip-Blop Noel."

From 8bitpeoples.com, scroll down the page a bit to grab the whole collection.

HIGH-SCHOOL BAND DEMOLISHES JOHNNY MATHIS

The Farragut (Knoxville, TN) High School band plays "The Most Wonderful Time Of the Year" like you've never heard it before.

THE STRANGEST "O HOLY NIGHT" EVER

"O Holy Night" performed on 3 theremins and guitar, by a fantastic group called The Lothars, out of Boston. They treat their theremins with effects pedals, as if they didn't sound strange enough. Lots of mp3s on their site that Stereolab fans should pounce on if they know what's good for 'em. ODing on holiday music? Check out "Bleep-Bloop." You'll be glad you did.

FAT NAKED ELVIS

Extreme Elvis is a fat, sometimes naked Elvis impersonator. Elvis impersonators are very near-and-dear to my heart, as Mrs. Fab and I were married at an Elvis chapel in Las Vegas. But by a slim, clothed one. His music, as demonstrated by this version of "Blue Christmas," seems quite normal. But imagine him singing looking and acting like he does on his profoundly disturbing website, extremeelvis.com.

He recently invaded the hallowed halls of high-culture by performing at UCLA's Royce Hall as part of notorious filmmaker John Waters' Christmas special. Waters has recently compiled a various-artists collection of demented thrift-store records called, naturally, "A John Waters Christmas," featuring stars like The Chimpunks and Tiny Tim - but not Tiny Tim's holiday classic "Santa Claus Has Got The AIDS This Year." Too tasteless even for Waters perhaps? It does features my nomination for worst Christmas record ever - Little Cindy's "Happy Birthday Jesus": a little kid with a thick Southern accent thick delivering spoken-word drivel about Jesus, and poo-poohing "those awful naughty men" who crucified him. Can you top this? Another little kid sings a song called "Santa Claus Is A Black Man." I'm amazed at the inclusion of "Here Comes Fatty Claus" because I actually have a 45rpm vinyl copy from who knows when, and I didn't think anyone else knew about this record. It's a great country toe-tapper featuring the catchy chorus "Here comes Fatty with his sack of s---." It doesn't include the b-side though - the entire song played backwards.

Check the audio samples on Amazon.

"SPECIAL" KIDS SINGING "WHITE CHRISTMAS"

Courtesy of The Social Skills Centre: "White Christmas."

Anyone know where this comes from?

REGGAE HANNAUKAH

It's no joke: ReggaeChanukah.com.

Oi! The audio samples weren't working when I just tried them, but, trust me - I've heard this album. I know Hebrew melodies done inna rub-a-dub stylee sounds like some "Saturday Night Live" bit, but it's actually sincere and very skillfully played by a buncha slick pros, including one of No Doubt's horn players. Not just reggae either, but ska and African riddims too. Most peoples of the Hebroid persuasion will probably have big question marks over their head upon hearing this, but true Maniacs know not to ask why.

MAE WEST - "SANTA COME UP & SEE ME"

The legendary screen siren recorded this in 1968 when she was around 75 years old , and still workin' that sexpot image: "Santa Come Up And See Me."

Today's mp3 courtesy of the good elves at falalalala.com.

MERRY CHRISTMASH!

RIAA has contributed 2 tracks to a various-artists Christmas collection called "Merry Christmash." Thanks to the UK's Cheekyboy for compiling. The songs are "G-L-O-RIAA" (featuring Charleton Heston, Them with Van Morrison, The Vienna Boys Choir, The Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Patti Smith, surprise guests); and terrible things are done to David Saville's "Chipmunk Song."

All songs are 100% recycled from existing recordings: there's BuG's delirious "12 Days of Christmas," Voicedude has Elvis singing over AC/DC, DJBC takes Vince Guaraldi's "Charlie Brown Christmas" to the chill-out lounge, and Pilchard's "Santa Baby" mixes Marilyn, Petula Clark and some gangsta rap...

LET'S ALL SING ABOUT VAGINITIS!

Dr. Machelle M. Seibel does. He's not just a Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Massachusetts. He's also a singer/songwriter/guitarist who's medical melodies can be found on his site healthrock.com.
He doesn't just sing about stinky female trouble - he's got lots o' toe-tappers like "Incontinence," "Prostate Check," and (for the kids) "The Phat Fat Rap." You might catch him when he gigs around the East Coast, hitting spots like the Annual Meeting of the American Society for Reproductive Medicine in Philadelphia, or the American Cancer Society Volunteer Recognition breakfast at the Waltham, MA Westin.

Warning! I tried to link an mp3 from his site, but when you click on a song it only saves it. Since I'm writing this at work, I panicked, "Damn! I've got a file called "vaginitis" on my computer!" and hurridly tried to find and delete it. Phew!

THE VIENNA VEGETABLE ORCHESTRA

Self-explanatory - no conventional musical instruments used by these Austrians. They tap on tomatoes, pound potatos, rub rutabegas, and even hollow out carrots to make flutes. At the end of a performance they throw their instruments into a pot, make a meal and serve the audience. And no, they're not making a vegetarian/vegan statement. From their website: "don't ask again. we've heard this question 2 million times." So knock it off, awright?!

Their new album "Automate" has a more abstract sound inspired by electronic music, although, of course, the music is all-natural: click on this to listen. Beginners might perfer to start with their first album. As vegetable music goes, it's the more commercial, mainstream sound: "Radetzky Marsch."

Here's a brief radio interview. Remember now kids: play with your food.

THE CAR-HORN ORGAN

Since 1983, Wendy Chambers has been performing on the car-horn organ (which is exactly what you'd think it is, complete with one of those "aw-ooo-gah" horns) such standards as "New York, New York." But with the holiday shopping season in full swing, you might want to consider picking up her Christmas CD - 9 seasonal swingers performed entirely on recycled automotive parts. Truly the gift for the man who has everything.

http://www.wendymae.com/carhornorgan.html

WHISTLER'S DELIGHT

"Whistler's Delight": This is either a delight indeed, or torture - depending on how you feel about close to 7 minutes of whistling. But if you read something called "Music For Maniacs," a medley of 20+ famous whistling records seemlessly mixed by Ohio's DJ Riko is probably just what you've been waiting for. It's oodles o' fun AND if you can guess the name of all the records used you'll win a rare CD or vinyl goodie. Send your guesses here.

Contestants might find The Online Guide to Whistling Records helpful.

MUSIC GENERATED BY THE BIBLE

The Beastie Boys say, "I got the s--- that's beyond bizarre," but even they coudn't have concieved of the utterly uncomprehensible weirdness of this:
"Music From The Torah."
Some wackos think that the Bible has hidden clues encoded in it that predict things like Sept. 11, the JFK assasination, blah, blah, blah. This is a musical variation: "By feeding the Hebrew text of the Bible through a user configurable music sequencer some very interesting and melodic results can be obtained." The funniest thing? Where it says that this is an offshoot from "mainstream Bible Code Research."

Hey, at least the musical samples on the site sound very nice.

The Definitive "I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU"

Starts off like a routine karaoke version, until...

Kevin Blechdom, w/DSICO: "Jon Whitney Houston"

SECRET SIGNALS

The Conet Project is something that's been around for a while, but I'll suspend my new-music rule in case y'all missed it:

For decades now, secret organizations have been broadcasting over short-wave radio what are apparently coded messages in the form of repeating numbers, letters, Morse code, music and/or sound effects. These "numbers stations" are assumed to be the work of spy agencies of many nationalities, judging by the variety of languages that are heard. The bizarre, mysterious nature of these messages, combined with the natural hissing and interference of a short-wave broadcast, create a kind of accidental electronic, ambient music. The Conet Project has been collecting recordings of number stations for years, and have 4-CD set that has been sampled a few times. One well-known band, Wilco, was actually sued for sampling a numbers station broadcast from the Conet album - Irdial Records who released the set own the copyrights to the recording, even though they didn't "write" the material. Did I mention copyright law is way out of control? Consider it mentioned.

Listen to this, but not alone in a dark room:

The Backwards Music Station
5 Dashes
nnn
Figure Counting 10 Rough Tones
Gong Station Chimes

COCKTAIL DRACULINA

...is the name of a "best of" cd released by Moscow, Russia's finest - Messer Chups, a buncha kooks who've apparently been rockin' them Ruskies since the mid '90s. Surf guitars and theremins coexist with modern technology, tho it's used for things like sampling Ed Wood movie dialogue. Many of these toe-tappers are new'n'improved remixes/remakes from their swelling (and swell) catalogue. "Tchaikovsky Beat" turns classical music into '60s-style go-go beat, "Hey" is one of the best tracks on the Tipsy remix album, "Miss Surf" mashes-up The Beach Boys, Dick Dale and surf obscurity "Church Key" by the Revels, "Trashman Upgrade" takes "Surfin Bird" for another spin, "Snake Eyes" is analog-synth garage-rock, "Sentimental Double-Bass" sounds like The Ventures scoring a film-noir episode of "The Jetsons" (trust me, it really does), "Import-Export" is a robot mambo with a "Moon River"-ish theremin melody, "Verkalak Acid" mixes Perrey & Kingley electronics with monkey/exotic bird sounds, and in "Super Megera" Criswell sez "It will please me very much to see the slave girl with her tortures. It pleasures me, it pleasures me!" Me too.

Dig: "Orgia of Dead"

MUSICAL SAW, AND THEREMIN

Robert Froehner is a Texan master of both the saw and the equally-eerie sounding theremin, as detailed on his site theremin-saw.com. Yep, a saw, like you buy at the hardware store, but played with a violin bow (the smooth side, not the side you cut down trees with obviously). The theremin was invented by a Russian who's name happened to Theremin - boy, what are the odds? (*tap tap* Hello, is this thing on?) It's considered to be the first electronic instrument, and the only instrument of any kind that is played without being touched. One waves one's hands over antennas to play it, doesn't one? And one should listen to this beautiful (well, until the cheesy drum machine intrudes) sound sample as Mr. Froehner plays both instruments, first saw, then theremin, on this tune called "Going Home."

RADIO CRACK

Radio Crack recently created a surreal, yet perhaps more truthful cut-up of the Bush/Kerry debates: "The Grate Debates."

DILDO SAGA by Pee-Bug

This is THE most retarded, f-ed up thing I have ever heard in my LIFE:

"Dildo Saga."

BABY'S FIRST ONLINE COMPILATION

My fave online label Comfort Stand is celebrating their one-year birthday this month, and to celebrate they've posted "Comfort Cake," 28 tracks of assorted musical flavors, many of them tasty indeed. Dig the space/surf guitar ruckus of Full Load of King's "Ride A Wave To Uranus." Cowa-bong-ga! Martinibomb's mash-up "Dizzy ke Peeche" drops Bollywood vocals over '60s bubble-gum grooves, and Inzah's "Very Happy Encounters" is an example of some of the nice electro to be found here. But nothing's as perverse as Lee Rosevere's song, an attempt at a cheezy boy-band ballad, that I'm not posting a link to because I'm not sure we should be encouraging that kind of thing.

PREZ. BUSH SINGS JOHN LENNON

Imagine Dubya singing John Lennon's "Imagine." It's easy if you click.

This comes to us courtesy of waxaudio, whose website features his exotic photography: www.waxvisual.com.

www.polka-rap.com

No, I'm not making this up. A guy in New York started a website called www.polka-rap.com which, unfortunately, doesn't have any music on it. I asked why and he said he's too busy and apparantly doesn't have much of a musical background. But if anyone out there wants to make some rap/polka tunes and send 'em his way, his name is Robert Pierce
(hawkeye10729@yahoo.com). They can be originals, or mash-ups, where you take other artists acapellas and put 'em over polka recordings. He'll host them on his site.

CLASSICAL RAP

After rap star Jay-Z released a seperate album of acapella versions of songs from his latest release "The Black Album," a flurry of remix/mash-ups projects ensued, setting Z's vocals to a variety of musics. But none was more unlikely then the Baker Bros' free online release "The Classical Album." Yup, Jay-Z rhymin' over mostly 20th century classical...er...classics - from Ravel, Mahler, and Stravinsky, to more avant-garde cats like Conlon Nancarrow and Steve Reich. Although sometimes it's a train-wreck of hopelessly incompatible styles, New York's Baker Bros do pull it off on tracks like "Glass Off Your Shoulders," in which a Phillip Glass string quartet chugs along nicely under Mr. Z.

ROCK 'N' POLKA

Why are punk and polka considered to be at opposite ends of the cool spectrum? They're both bursting with energy, and often barrel along on a furious 2/4 beat. Jimmy Sturr, the King of Polka, with a hundred albums and a dozen Grammys under his lederhosen belt, has a new album, "Rock 'N' Polka." The concept? Classic rock performed polka style. Truly an idea who's time has come. It's available from iTunes, among other sources. I plunked down my 99 cents for an amazing version of "Rebel Rouser" - the menacing surf guitar tones of guest Duane Eddy are an amusing contrast to the chirpy accordian. I also went with The Beach Boys "Fun Fun Fun," another unlikely translation. Willie Nelson, no less, sings "Bye Bye Love." As wholesome as a church picnic, yet as exciting as a mosh pit. Don't believe me? Check out the audio samples from Amazon.

PORKY PIG

No, not the cartoon character. I have no idea why this album is called "Porky Pig," but I can tell ya this: it's on Standard Oil Records, apparently only 500 were pressed, it's got 4 artists, a comic-book AND a packet of "found photos."

Gelbart is the real find here. He makes wonderfully rinky-dink electro instrumentals like "Tokomon Rip-Off x3" that need only an Engilsh singer with a ludicrous hair-do to become New Wave classics. Lotsa fine free listening at gelbartmusic.com.

Dan Deacon contributes oddball instrumentals with annoying free-jazz parts, a good pop tune ("Hey Let's Go For A Ride"), and a vocoder-ized cut up of Jean Knight's old soul classic "Mr Big Stuff" that is funky-fresh fantastic. The Bran Flakes serve leftovers - you'd be better off by checking out one of their long-players, but these veteran sound-collage prankstas still thro in some great stuff, like this bit of advice from a cut-up bowling instructional record: "To get the most possible enjoyment out of your bowling, by all means, lose your temper. See the deskman for information about this." The Big City Orchestra are not the swingin' big band you'd expect, but makers of weird short ambient-ish instrumentals, best listened to on headphones whilst chillin'.

The "found photos" (culled from dumpsters, the sidewalk, etc) are pretty amusing: a fat couple, bald trendies at an art gallery, drunk-looking dinner party guests, and a pretty cool red-tinged shot of a row of mail boxes.

THE WORLD'S CHEEZIEST RECORD LABEL

Vitamin Records. The new 101 Strings. At last count they've released over 100 (!) string-quartet "tribute" albums dedicated to every band/singer you've ever heard of, and plenty that you haven't. Maybe the weirdest: covering the entirety of the "Velvet Underground & Nico" album. Interesting choice, considering that some songs on that album are pure noise.

But Vitamin doesn't just release, say, string quartet remakes of Black Sabbath songs. They also have apparently tongue-in-cheek cocktail lounge "tributes" to the likes of eminem and Outkast. The audio sample of the eminem album on Vitamin's website was terribly obnoxious, but the bossa-nova take on "Hey Ya" was quite nice. The also have electronic, straight rock and acoustic tributes. U2 is the subject of a bluegrass (!) and New Age (!!) collections, the latter boasting Enya-like singing over "ethereal" backing.

I'm the proud owner of one of their best releases: "Swingin' To Michael Jackson," a bona-fide big-band blast. The arrangements (by one Jim McMillen) would be the envy of Count Basie, the solos are jazz-legit, it's loud, brassy, and original, even throwing in some reggae during "Beat It."

Check out their catalog, and ask yourself, "Self, who is buying all this stuff?"

JUNK MUSIC

But it's not junk. Donald "The Junkman" Knaack builds musical instruments out of found objects, and plays surprisingly melodic, toe-tappin' instrumentals on 'em. He was even nominated for a Grammy for Best Classical recording for his first album "Junk Music," selections from which were used in a dance piece by famed choreographer Twyla Tharp. From his bio: "Knaack recently returned from...a sojourn into the war-torn areas of Croatia, where he visited numerous villages destroyed in the war. There, he collected spoils of war and debris, and used them to create a Requiem for the war victims." Fantastic.

So many of the wackos I cover here are relegated to the furthest hinterlands of the music world. But this guy, who's at least as eccentric, gets Grammy nominations, in "classical" no less. I've always said that there's a fine line between kitschy novelty records and avant-garde experimentation.

CDs for sale on his site www.junkmusic.org. Low quality audio samples, but good listening nonetheless: http://www.junkmusic.org/junkmusic/player2.html

PRES. BUSH RAPS TO HIS NIGGAS

From RX, the mad genius who had Bush singing "Sunday Bloody Sunday," for the "Bushwacked" project I mentioned a coupla days ago: Who's the Nigga?

The World's Most *ahem* UNIQUE Singer

Wing is a middle-aged Chinese woman who started recording her own CDs after moving to New Zealand. She's obviously spent scads of cash on hiring slick back-up musicians, recording albums, photos, web-site, etc. Like Ed Wood was, she apparently has no doubts as to her talent.

The lovely and talented Mrs Fab bought me Wing's new one, a Beatles tribute, for my birthday in September, and it is spectacular. Imagine a whole album of this: I Want To Hold Your Hand Of special note is her take on "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" - I've never heard the word "kaleidescope" pronounced that way. Must be a New Zealand dialect.

For $3.95 you can join Wing's club and get 5 free downloads. Otherwise, send away for one of her 8 (!) CDs like my missus did, and watch your friend's jaws drop when you play 'em.
http://www.wingmusic.co.nz/

2 ONLINE ALBUMS: "Monster Mash-Up," "Bushwacked!"

UPDATE: DJBC sent me a note this morning (11/2/04) stating that "Monster Mash-Up" is offline due to a dispute with his server. Hope it clears up soon.
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Free downloadable music/video/artwork - WARNING! I contributed to both: "Monster Mash-Up," compiled by Boston's DJBC, plunders spooky music, movie dialogue, and monster-rock classics: Nirvana meets Bobby "Boris" Pickett, The Cramps visit a "redrum," a hilariously grewsome video of what looks like a really bad zombie movie sports a new exotica soundtrack; I did track 3: Sinatra sings "Witchcraft" over Gary Glitter's "Rock'n'Roll prt2."
http://www.djbc.net/mashes/monstermashup/

Even scarier: "Bushwacked!" a 2-disk collection of sound-collage/sampling songs about "President" Bush and the war is now available, thanks to Twinkleboi: http://bushwhacked.twinkleboi.co.uk/
Lots of funny Bush speech cut-ups, but some just let Bush stick his foot in his mouth without any assistance. RX is particulary brilliant: "Dick Is A Killer" is hilarious, and, incredibly, RX actually gets Bush to sing U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday" thru the miracle of sound editing.
I did "O.I.L." featuring Jello Biafra, Big Black, Black Sabbath, Hendrix, and The Misfits.

Both are highly recommended, despite my contributions...

HATE CELL PHONES? ME TOO!

Unless I'm using one, or course. Then it's neccessary! But ringtones can be maddening under any circumstances. Fortunately, Don Amott, King of Country (as he is known) has taken a ringtone version of Roger Miller's "King of the Road," added some music from Miller's original version, (continuing the weird country kick we've been on here) and, if that wasn't amusing enough, slammed it into some boisterous Public Enemy rap rage. This is INSANE:
http://www.dasboot.net/kingofthetmobile_Don_Amott_KofC.mp3

This one's brand new, but he has lots more country mash-ups here: http://www.dasboot.net/downloads.html

When politicians use the phrase "rogue country" I think this is what they mean...

DOLLY PARTON SINGS LED ZEP

Dolly Parton singing "Stairway To Heaven" is weird enough, but then San Francisco's DJ Earworm mixes in (takes deep breath) Laurie Anderson, The Art of Noise, Eurythmics, Beatles, Beastie Boys, and Pat Benatar!
http://www.djearworm.lunarpages.com/Stairway_to_Bootleg_Heaven.mp3

HIP-HOP HEADZ BE FEELIN' DAT COUNTRY MUSIC

A talented artist from the Netherlands (I think) named Pheugoo has created a couple of mash-ups featuring hip-hop vocals over c&w music. Yee doggies, this stuff is good:

http://members.home.nl/pheugoo/Pheugoo%20-%20Smokey%20And%20The%20Yeah.mp3
Usher's "Yeah" vs Jerry Reed's hillbilly pickin' soundtrack music to "Smokey and the Bandit"

http://members.home.nl/pheugoo/Pheugoo%20-%20Raw%20Bizkit.mp3
Limp Bizkit vs that cowboy classic "Rawhide," as performed by the Blues Bothers. This one works so well you will actually enjoy listening to Limp Bizkit. Almost.

WAYNE BUTANE SUCKS BIGTIME

He doesn't really. That's just the name of his latest CD-R. And if the Land of Music For Maniacs had one of those wacky drive-time morning radio shows, it would be this. Arizona's Wayne Butane, like a cross between Howard Stern and Negativland, cuts up sound bytes from every conceivable source - radio, TV, old records etc - and makes them all sound lewd, rude and crude, with more belching and farts this side of an old-folks home. Audio surrealism abounds: Martha Stewart makes "hedgehog barley soup," as a stoned-on-Oxycontin Rush Limbaugh mumbles and giggles over psychedelic rock. Wayne's previous disk "Backwash" was arguably better, but was just one long track - this one's divided up into 7 tracks for your convenience. Only 5 bucks from www.flamingcanine.com , a bargain considering how many countless hours of sound editing must have gone into this. And remember: "Free Nelson Mandela! Inside specially marked boxes of Kellog's Puffed Rice."

Some quick mp3 snippets from one of his older recordings are at the bottom of this page:
http://www.flamingcanine.com/waynebutane-pbp.html

BAD GERMAN MUSIC - The REMIX ALBUM

Got an email this morning from So-Healthy-Music directing me to their "net-label" straight outta Cologne, Germany, and, for once, this was some spam I was happy to get: had a wunderbar time this morning listening to one of their strudels, an album called "Kraut fur Alle." Culling samples from the least-hip kinds of German music: crap pop, easy-listening, Cologne Carnival music (guess it's their own Mardi Gras), the Ajujatronik crew keep it mostly instrumental, so no language barrier. Don't recognize the source material, so I'm probably missing out on the joke somewhat, but slammin' head-nodding beatz is a universal language, ya?

"Herb For Everyone!"

SINGING RETARDED KIDS - New York

"How's Your News" is the name of a roaming band of retarded/disabled young folk who crossed the country on 2001, recording some incredible music along the way: http://www.howsyournews.com/music.html. Buy the CD, watch the video (financed by the "South Park" guys, by the way). And this Friday Oct 25 they'll be performing in New York to celebrate their new documentary "How's Your News: Election Special." It features their interviews with many major political playas at the Rebublican and Democratic national conventions, and it airs on Channel 4, UK, Oct 26, and, in the US, Nov 2, 9:00pm on the Trio channel.

What's Trio, anyway? A whole network dedicated to those "Da Da Da" guys? I wish we got it - I read recently that they show classic porno movies with all the sex cut out - "Debbie Does Dallas" in 30 minutes.

SINGING RETARDED KIDS - Los Angeles

How'd I miss this? The Kids of Widney High have a new album - "Act Your Age." Widney High is a school for retarded/disabled kids who write their own songs, backed by grown-ups from the faculty. Their debut's slick '80's dance-pop production was in startling contrast to the off-key vocals and wildly uninhibited performances, but the follow-up "Let's Get Busy" corrected that with rockin' guitar arrangements that turned the Kids' rantings into something resembling a pack of pint-sized Henry Rollinses.

Their new one is their best yet: "Life Without The Cow" is a great punktry-western stomper that ponders, yes, life without cows: "No Ben & Jerrys!" Glad to see their long-time yuletide favorite "Santa's In A Wheelchair" is finally committed to one of their disks, and "Valentine's Day" will honestly put a lump in your throat. As for "E.L.V.I.S., " wow. WOW. Must be hear to be believed. Here's an excerpt: http://www.kidsofwidneyhigh.com/mp3/Elvis_clip.mp3

Bet you wish you live in Los Angeles, home of Widney High. The Kids frequently play around here, and I'll never forget when I saw them rock the CIA. The California Institute of the AbnormalArts, that is, located literally around the corner from my estate, Faboo Manor. The CIA is worth a visit no matter who's playing. It's designed to feel like you're entering a creepy/fun carnival sideshow, with an extensive collection of circus memorabilia including, at one point, a (supposedly) mummified clown. http://www.ciabnormalarts.com/ What better venue for the Kids as they tore thru their reportorie, including rockified remakes of first album classics like "Insects" (they don't like them) and that ode to the importance of doing your chores, "Throw Away The Trash"? No helpless, pathetic Jerry's Kids these: "We got CDs and T-shirts for sale here! Thank You!" The Kids are not only alright, they're all rock.

MR FAB - "Graffiti Beetles"

Graffiti: spray-painting original art over someone else's property.

MR FAB - "Graffiti Beetles"

Song titles are anagrams of the song that provided the backing track.

1. I Want Horny Adulthood
2. See Rock Tatoo Wound (Yawn...)
3. You're Moot, FM
4. Ma Peels Eel Peas
5. DEVO Mole
6. Reagan Twisted Her Shin
7. Yo! Ho Us, Elves
8. Dad Hath a Syringe
9. My Vocable Tune
10. What Donut Sits?
11. [missing, hope to add it later]
12. I Wowed On Organ
13. Jed Huey
14. [also missing, but it wasn't that great]
15. Fervid Retro Barfly's Sewer
16. Bleet It

Mr Fab plays primarily on a custom-rigged Roland Juno 60 synthesizer, and frying pan, trash can and snare drum on "What Donut Sits?"

Recorded late 1990's on 8-track cassette. Thanks to whoever did the artwork!

MUSIC BY DOGS, AND ELEPHANTS

Recently I was picking up one of our dogs from the groomers, and spied a display of CDs by K-9 Fusion. The back cover said, "10 1/2 year old mixbreed, Sven the Love Dog, plays each and every instrument on his debut album. The only exception is the drums, which are played by Sven's owner Steve Brooks. Every intense vocalization is produced by Sven, or one of his canine friends...face it, this Dog's the SHIH TZU! Enhanced CD contains a video of the making of K9 Fusion. See for yourself as Sven pounds the piano, claw-picks his guitar, and gnashes his teeth on bass strings with the ferocity of Hendrix himself." Of COURSE I bought one.

The "album" is actually only 13 minutes. The drums basically hold it down, with random plunking, plucking, and growling on top, giving it a canine free-jazz feel. "Pants" is 7 seconds of a dog panting. Some sounds have obviously been sampled and looped to make it more "musical," but check this sweet funky bass groove: http://www.petradio.com/Content/MusicAndBooks/DirtyDogLoveSamp.wma
Obviously it's been looped, but I find it hard to believe that a dog could come up with something like this even once.
The 8-minute video might be the best thing about this - see Steve the human (a dog trainer here in Los Angeles) jammin' in the studio with the mutts! Get it here: http://www.k9u.net/alphaent/k9uhome.nsf/K9Fusion%20?OpenPage

Which reminded me of my fave album by animals: "The Thai Elephant Orchestra." Real elephants. Real music - not sampled and looped, but recorded live in an Asian Elephant sanctuary in Thailand. Performing on giant custom-made drums, gongs and metal xylophone-type instruments, as well as unmodified human instruments like harmonica and theremin, these pachyderm popstars improvise "tunes" of their own composing. Before you say, "Not another album of elephants playing theremins!" listen to songs like "Swing Swing Swing" (no, not the Benny Goodman one). These beasts possess an amazing sense of rhythm. This isn't just random banging and clanging, but exactly the type of music you'd expect elephants to make - slow, heavy, exotic. Oriental ambient free-jazz.

Their new album "Elephonic Rhapsodies" will be out soon, but with a cast of guest humans, and some "covers" they were trained to play of Beethoven and Hank Williams. Ele-core purisits (ele-core isn't just music, it's a way of life, man!) may be disappointed by this, but there is a bigger group of 'phants this time out, 12 on this song alone: http://mulatta.org/mp3s/Ganesha.mp3, so they haven't sold out yet. From Mulatta Records: http://mulatta.org/

ROCK'N'ROLL FAMILY SLIDESHOW

I want to stick to current releases, so I'd better review this one quick - it's already a year old. But you gots to know this one: The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players. They collect old family slides from estate sales in their Seattle 'hood, and write songs inspired by the slides, which are projected as they play. They are a family - Mr T sings lead, plays instruments, Mrs designs the costumes and clicks the slide projector, daughter (8 years old when I saw 'em last year) plays drums, sings backup. "Vintage Slide Collections," their debut on Bar None Records (They Might Be Giants' old label, which should tell you something) is chock full o' wonderfully catchy quirky pop tunes like "Mountain Trip to Japan, 1959," "Eggs," and a really odd suite of songs based on slides from a McDonalds corporate convention. The CD comes with a booklet of photos of the slides so you can follow along with the music. Supposedly, you can pop the CD into your computer and get the slideshow that way too, but that stuff never works on my crap PC. Yes, you're not getting the full effect by just listening to the music, but the rousing closer "Believing in You" stands on it's own. A nerd-rock classic.

POLKA-RAP

Just in time for Oktoberfest...

Rappin' over polka tunes - it's the "in" thing. Why, all the kids are doing it! Check out these hysterical mash-ups, which, like a lot of stuff I'll be covering here, is only available on the internet:

E-Jitz: "50 Bluebells" (50 Cent vs Scottish music legend Jimmy Shand's "Bluebell Polka")


DJ NoNo "Just Lose the Accordion" (eminem vs Lawrence Welk's accordian weilding polka-meister Myron Floren, as well as another thing called "Circus Polka.")

Ein...zwei...drei...SUFA!!!

Welcome

Incorrect music, all that is bad, wrong, weird, or even illegal, will be covered HERE! Run! Get out while you can!