Hey, I Got A Theremin For My Birthday

I actually did, a Moog Ethervox, to be exact. Doesn't get any cooler then that. Makes me wanna listen to stuff like Project: Pimento, "...a five-piece band from San Francisco, with a repertoire of toe-tapping lounge favorites from the 40s, 50s, and 60s," fronted by sulty singer Miss Lola Bombay and featuring thereminist Dr. Robby Virus.

"Star Trek"
"Call Me"

From their album, "Magical Moods of the Theremin."

The Return of Dictionaraoke

In 2001, Chicago's Jima had an interesting idea. On-line dictionaries, like, say, Merriam-Webster's website, have audio pronunciation guides - look up a word and you can click on a sound file of an announcer actually pronouncing the word. What if you sampled lots of these words and strung them together in a song? The result was dictionaraoke: "Audio clips from online dictionaries sing the hits of yesterday and today," over instrumental music often provided by cheezy karaoke backing tracks. The contributors were mainly members of the Negativland mailing list.

Over the years, many of the links were broken, but the entire project has been revived and hosted by archive.org. The result is hours of deadpan, robotic amusement like:

pimpdaddysupreme: Cameo's "Word Up"

Animals Within Animals: "Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang" - Who knows how many hours (days?) it took to make this remarkable remake of Dr Dre and Snoop Doggy Woggy's hip-hop hit.

GAMEBOY MUSIC prt. 3

Thanks to reader Slapdash for pointing us towards yet another band that uses hand-held video games. This time it's German combo Pornophonique, mixing acoustic guitar and vocals with Gameboys to nice effect.

Pornophonique: "Sad Robot"

FEMA For Kidz Rap!

Hey kids! You know about FEMA, right? Yes, America's Federal Emergency Management Agency, the one that's supposed to be taking care of the Hurricane Katrina disaster! Well, they've got a funky-fresh rap song on the FEMA For Kids section of their website. Remember now, gang, "Disaster prep is your responsibility/And mitigation is important to our agency."

"Mommy, what's "mitigation" mean...?"

FEMA For Kidz Rap

That's some hi-fi sound quality, eh? Blame budget cuts...

WILLIE NELSON: THE REGGAE YEARS

Further evidence of the random nature of the universe: Country music legend Willie Nelson has recently released...a reggae album. The entire album, "Countryman," is reggae, complete with dub effects, a guest appearance by the legendary Toots Hibbert (of Maytalls fame) and covers of reggae classics like "The Harder They Come". But Willie's mainly singing his usual heart-breakin' country stuff, complete with traditional instrumentation (like the lonely cry of a steel guitar) alongside the Jamaican sidemen dropping their riddems. It all sounds like some wacky dj's country/reggae mashups - the dichotomy between the two styles is funny and bewildering. But, hey, Willie does partake of the sacred herb. So maybe the two cultures have more in common then we think...

Willie Nelson "How Long Is Forever"

Speaking of the ganja, America's biggest (and most conservative) retailer Wal-Mart didn't appreciate Willie's artworK - an alternate cover had to be created just so the Kansas housewives wouldn't be offended. But Willie's feeling too irie to get upset:
" "They're covering all the bases," Nelson joked."

“George Bush Doesn’t Care About Black People”

Well, that was fast! Yesterday, Houston hip-hop crew K-OTIX (a.k.a. The Legendary K.O.) posted a wickedly funny parody of Kanye West's "Gold Digger," taking Kanye's intrumental (and his now-infamous tv comment), and added their own vox/lyrics. The orignal's chorus of "Get down girl, go 'head get down" is now a plea to: "Come down George, come on, come down."

The Legendary K.O.: “George Bush Doesn’t Care About Black People”

The Black Lantern has made a video.

The Christian Astronauts

This gets my vote for least-likely (but most welcome) CD reissue of an an obscure vinyl release:

"Fans of small town, grass-roots productions will delight in this wonderful outer space childrens album produced by the Fremont, Ohio-based Shoup family back in 1971...Captain Shoup, the father of this family act led the Christian Astronauts on a decade-long career spanning the entire 1970s...the family filmed over 300 episodes of Beyond the Blue, a cable TV childrens ministry. We're told each episode was filmed inside an elaborate space ship set, custom-built by the Captain. Besides Rick and Michelle (siblings), Sister Shoup (mom), and Jerry (the space dummy), the production starred a 7 foot tall robot named Loosenut, equipped with flashing eyes and moving arms."

From the album "Beyond The Blue" by the Christian Astronauts (mp3s on bottom of page):

"Prepare to Fire" an introductory skit, featuring home-made sound effects, and a robot who speaks with the same voice as the Captain
"Countdown" Sister Shoup's wobbly singing, accompanied by even wobblier organ

Wait a minute. Weren't The Shaggs also from a town called Fremont? Hmmm...

GAMEBOY MUSIC prt2

Yesterday, we talked about Poland's Gameboyzz Orchestra Project. Well, whatdayaknow, there's more music played on hand-held video games out there. Thanks to bomarr for heppin' us to Oakland, CA's Passage, an indie-hip-hop act who has recorded at least one GameBoy tune:

"West World or Wheels"

The Gameboyzz Orchestra

The Gameboyzz Orchestra Project is a six-person group from Poland who do exactly what it says on the tin - make music using hand-held video games and nothing else. Darn good stuff, too. It's amazingly musical, with tight arrangements, some tunes bursting with danceable energy, others more abstract and experimental.

Musically, they recall the electronic melodic sense of Kraftwerk. Sometimes it's almost techno, but non-ravers have no fear: lacking a boomin' bass, they relay on rich textures instead. As they say:

"Console's interface is rather poor (few buttons only), so sound structures created by us must be rather simple, too. This is also the reason for having 6 players - the more players the sound environment is more complex."

Passt,_wackelt_und_hat_Luft!
Live@Amsterdam#01

NEW ORLEANS prt2: MARDI PARTY!

Yeah, you right! We gonna pass a good time right now with some classic funky N'Awlins r'n'b from the '50-'70s. If you don't know nuthin' about these legendary artists and tunes, this here's your beginners guide. Turn it up, the Crescent City's here to stay!

Fats Domino "I'm Walkin'"
Joe "Boolagloo" Jones "You Talk Too Much"
Professor Longhair - "Tipitina"
Dirty Dozen Brass Band - "Junko Partner"
The Dixie Cups "Iko Iko"
The Meters "Cissy Strut"
Dr John "Basin Street Blues"
Neville Brothers "Big Chief"
Clarence "Frogman" Henry - "Ain't Got No Home"
Frankie Ford "A Certain Girl"
Ernie K-Doe "Mother-In-Law"
Lee Dorsey "Everything I Do Gon' Be Funky"
Irma Thomas "Break-A-Way"
The Wild Magnolias "Soul Soul Soul"

If y'all find these tunes as tasty as a bowl of file gumbo, send a few coins over to The Red Cross, and, like Mrs Fab did, The Louisiana SPCA for all them critters. Then there's the Preservation Hall Hurricane Relief Fund established by Preservation Hall, home of the legendary trad-jazz band, to provide musicians with financial support. 100% of money raised through this fund will go directly to New Orleans musicians.

Laissez Le Bon Temps Roulet!

NEW ORLEANS prt1: GENNIFER FLOWERS

Last time I was in New Orleans, our cab drive casually mentioned that the nightclub we just passed in the French Quarter was Gennifer Flower's place. Her rich husband got it for her so she'd have somewhere to sing her sultry jazz ballads.

Gennifer-with-a-G-Flowers? One of President "Pimpin'" Clinton's mistresses? A nightclub singer? This we had to see. The next night she was scheduled to perform we went down to The Kelsto Club and found her looking resplendent in a white gown. Her mother was there as well. I approached her with Mrs Fab's 35mm camera and asked for a picture. She gravely eyed me, and asked, "Who are you with?" I was a bit taken aback: "I'm with...myself." She turned down my request and I slunk back to our table.

Later, she joined our table and explained that our camera looked so professional she assumed that I was a tabloid photographer, but after seeing us drinking and socializing she realized we were regular folks and happily posed for pics. I bought a drink that came in a souvenir shot glass shaped like red lips. And a fine time was had by all.

Sorry, no mp3s for y'all this time - don't think she recorded anything. Even her website is down. It was up the other day...

THE POLITICS OF DANCING prt5: JOHN ASHCROFT

Thought I was done with political percussive polyphonics until idigworms reminded me of former Attorney General John Ashcroft's stirring performance in the film "Fahrenheit 911":

JOHN "spent $8,000 on drapes that hide naked statues" ASHCROFT: "Let The Eagle Soar"

Ashcroft actually started his music decades ago as part of the gospel group Ashcroft and Bacon while he was still Missouri's State Auditor. They performed such hand-clappers as
"Jesus Hold My Hand": Sounds like a challenge to all homophobes; who knew he was such a screaming liberal?

By the time we get deep into side 2, it seems like they're losing inspiration: "More About Jesus" is a pretty generic name: "What do we call this one?" "Oh I dunno, it's just some more stuff about Jesus, you know..." And the title "We've Come This Far By Faith" suggests they're barely able to make it through the whole album.

Warranting further investigation: idigworms also notes Pieces of Intelligence: The Existential Poetry of Donald Rumsfeld, which sets to music (by professional opera singers!) the strange musings of the Defense Secretary, such as:

The Unknown (just a snippet unfortunately)
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

Department of Defense news briefing
Feb. 12, 2002

MOOG BREAKBEATS

As a tribute to Robert Moog, the recently deceased inventor of the modern synthesizer, SRI (Sonic Reclamation Industries) offers you some rare, ripped from out-of-print vinyl, late '60s-early '70s funky fun: a free download album called "Moog Breakbeats" available

here.

It includes the Les Baxter song The Beasties Boys sampled for "Intergalactic," one tune featuring Herbie Hancock (on piano), appearances by Enoch Light, Martin Denny, Herbie Mann, Hugo Montenegro and many others. Blast off! And thanks again, Bob.

UPDATE 6-16-07: back on line!

The Weird Wide World Of Henry Jacobs

"During a house renovation in Mill Valley a couple of years ago, a stash of reel-to-reel tapes and 45s was discovered beneath the floorboards. Caked in grime, the collection found its way to nearby resident Jack Dangers of Meat Beat Manifesto, whose own large sound archive included several records released by the owner of the collection: Henry Jacobs. Remarkably preserved for all the exposure to the elements, the more than eighty tapes chronicle wild collaborations with close friend and theologian Alan Watts, San Francisco soundscapes, riffs with Ken Nordine, fictitious radio spots, warped tabla beats, feedback mayhem, hipster parodies, and goof conversations...This CD/DVD collection pays homage to Jacobs’ creative play, presenting recovered and restored audio as well as rare animated films that will give you a taste ofthis man’s special talents.

•Beginning in 1953, he hosted one of this nation’s first world music programs for KPFA in Berkeley, CA. This lead to a record deal with Moe Asch of Folkways, who released the LP, “Audio Collage,”in 1955. That release featured early uses of tape manipulation, compound loops, and feedbackin compositions, along with tracks comprised of mock interviews and improvised riffs.

•Appears on Lenny Bruce’s first record (on Fantasy).

•Nominated for an Oscar in 1964 for his work with John Korty on the animated short “Breaking the Habit.”

From the new Important Records release "The Weird Wide World Of Henry Jacobs":

excerpt #9 "Unusual Sound Patterns"
excerpt #5 "laughing string"
excerpt #6 guitar loop/spoken word niceness

Other Henry Jacobs albums available from Smithsonian/Folkways

ROBERT MOOG R.I.P.

Robert Moog, the man who single-handedly changed music with his introduction of the synthesizer in the mid-'60s, passed away yesterday at age 71.

I'm happy to say that I shook the man's hand. He was in town to promote his latest gear in Jan. 1998, and a theremin/Moog show at the Hollywood Athletic Club was organized around it. Don Bolles DJed, spinning classic Moog vinyl. Charlie Lester, and funky Moog/theremin trio The Kurstens performed brilliantly, Dr. Madd Vibe (aka Angelo Moore of Fishbone) did a crazy solo poetry/theremin thing, the great Moog Cookbook headlined. When Bob got up to speak, someone in the crowd shouted out, "We owe it all to you."

This wikipedia entry is a solid overview of the life and work of Robert Moog.

Yes, the synth that bore his name, and spawned countless imitators, will always be what he'll be most famous for, but he started and ended his career building theremins. Peter Pringle, when not performing on Dr. Samuel Hoffman's RCA, performs on a new Moog Ethervox.



Peter Pringle "The Blue Lotus" - a percussive bit of exotica inspired by ancient Egypt.

Welcome to the World of Lesbian and Gay Square Dance!

Who knew?

"The IAGSDC [International Association of Gay & Lesbian Square Dance Clubs] is an umbrella organization supporting gay and lesbian Modern Western Square Dance clubs in the United States, Canada, Japan and Denmark...Every year at the IAGSDC convention, a new Queen is chosen. The judges evaluate contestants on deportment, personality, dress sense and talent. Most years they find none of these qualities in any contestant, so pick the winner by rolling dice." Past winners include Pam Demonium (1988), Tami Wynotte (1989), Layona Davenport (1990), and Lois Carmen D'Nominator (1995).

ENOCH LIGHT: THE FIRST CENTURY

As much as we try and keep up with today's Now Sounds, it's always good to remember past masters, and today is the perfect occasion to wallow in the music of Space Age/exotica/strange music maestro Enoch Light: today, August 18, would have been his 100th birthday. And there's no shortage of celebrations going on:

Xtabay's Lounge World has six, count 'em, SIX entire albums up for zip download with more to come. "Spaced Out" has always been a personal fave of mine. And if that's not enough, EnochLight.com has links to even more Light downloads, as well as telling you everything you need to know about this technological and artistic pioneer.

THE POLITICS OF DANCING prt4: ORRIN HATCH

Orrin Hatch is a Mormon, a conservative Senator representing Utah, and a songwriter. In collaboration with one Janice Kapp Perry, Hatch has recorded eight (!) albums of patriotic and religious music. "Freedom's Light", from 1997, might be the most unlistenable album you'll ever hear, but hey, who else has quotes on the back from George & Barbara Bush ("...will thrill all who hear it") or General Colin Powell? That's some fan base.

Musically, it all sounds like TV commercial or public-service-announcement background music. Although the song title "You Gotta Love This Country" sounds like a threat, the slick studio vocalist and blandly upbeat music conjures up images of a shiny new pickup truck or SUV scrambling over mountain roads, as the announcer says something like, "Dodge trucks...built for your country!"

Orrin Hatch "The Country of the Free"

If nothing else, this album at least inspired the best customer review in Amazon.com history:

"***** Fabulously gay!, January 6, 2005; Reviewer: Adam "Anteater" Adam (San Francisco, CA) - The breathless energy of Barbara Streisand, combined with the smoky come-hither crooning of Michael Stipe and the glitz of Liberace, only begin to described the fabulously gay nature of this album! You'll squeal like a little girl when you hear "Morning Breaks on Arlington" and you won't be able to stop tapping your heals when the familiar notes of "I Love Old Glory" come on. Put on your glitter and heels, boys, Orrin Hatch is coming to town!"

THE POLITICS OF DANCING prt3: LEAVE BILL CLINTON ALONE

In 1998, bluesman Larry Shannon Hargrove ("The Texas Songbird") released the album "Leave Bill Clinton Alone" (on the Big Bidness label) whose title song was a reaction to the impeachment of President Bill Clinton. An Amazon reviewer wrote, "Larry Shannon Hargrove manages to make Wesley Willis look like Phil Spector." I wish! Actually, the rest of the album is by-the-book blues, with a couple of ill-advised forays like "Father's Rap" (well, he means well) and a version of "The Wind Beneath My Wings" that...well, in his defense, can anyone make that song listenable? But the historical value of this album is sealed with the inclusion of, not one, but two versions of:

"Leave Bill Clinton Alone"

LOS PUNK ROCKERS

You may want to pop over to Strange Reaction, a punk music blog, to download the entirety of Los Punk Rockers' album "Los Exitos de Sex Pistols," a song-for-song reworking of "Never Mind The Bollocks" from 1978. The singer clearly doesn't know English too well, and has a very funny wacked-out, off-key (even for punk) style.

From the blog's comments: "This album was released by spanish Sex Pistols fans in 1978...the only stuff recorded by Los Punkrockers...that’s the typical spanish accent, even thoughthe legend says there were some well-known hard rock musicians of that time hidding themselves behind this anonymous name Los Punkrockers , but who knows…I recall hearing that this was from the early democratic era (just post-Franco) that there was still a great deal of govt. suspicion against foreign pernicious influences, and that consequently NMTB was not to be released. This was the solution…"

Los Punk Rockers "God Save The Queen" I swear this a different chord progression from the original. And what language IS this sung in?!

THE POLITICS OF DANCING prt2: THE CLINTON YEARS

1994 was a pivotal year in music history - it marked the appearance of albums by both Bill and Roger Clinton that would stand as the magnum opus by both artists. Like Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, the Clinton brothers worked independently, their styles perhaps too dissimilar to combine.

When Bill was in The Czech Republic as part of his day job, he took part in an impromptu "jam session" with some top Czech jazz cats, adding his saxophone wailings to such standards as "My Funny Valentine" and Gershwin's "Summertime", which resulted in the EP, "Bill Clinton Jam Session: The Prez Blows." He takes the second solo here, after Stepan Marcovic:

"Summertime"

Li'l bro Roger's album, "Nothing Good Comes Easy," (available now on Amazon for only 46 cents!) opted for a more commercial pop approach, with Jimmy Buffet-esque pseudo-Caribbean flavorings, rock and blues covers like "Born Under A Bad Sign." Though the siblings took clearly different paths, it's hard to not hear Roger calling out to Bill in:

"Brother Brother"

Then, unexpectedly, incredibly, these two colossal figures strode off the music stage and haven't released an album since. Will they return? Who can say? Roger Clinton sang on his album's title song, "It's my life to live/Never take more then I give/Can't you hear the sound/Just my feet on solid ground."

Yes, Roger, we do, indeed, hear your feet.

THE POLITICS OF DANCING prt1: THE GEORGE W. BUSH SINGERS

Taking presidential speeches and setting them to music is a novelty record tradition dating back at least to the early '60s:

The JFK Singers: "Ask Not Waltz"

But dubya's ascendancy to the throne is even more grist for the musical satirists' mill: Bush's verbal flubs and bizarre syntax stylings are already funny. Adding original music and a vocal choir to actual Bush recordings is a tart icing on the cake. Appropriately, bandleader Steve McAllister bases his group The George W Bush Singers in Austin, Texas - Bush Country! - where they often perform live, even at that music industry shmooze-fest South By Southwest. From their album, "Song In The Key of W," a tune showcasing Bush's flair for inventing new words:

"Embetterment Ingrinable"

RIPPING-OFF THE RIP-OFF ARTISTS

Coldplay (bet you never thought you'd see them mentioned here, did you?) have a new single called "Talk" that sounds suspiciously like Kraftwerk's "Computer Love," from their classic 1981 "Computer World" album. Anyone know if there are any German names in the Coldplay album writing credits? They certainly didn't sample or remix the original recording of "Computer Love" - might just be a good old-fashioned rip-off. A mashup (from Really Interesting Audio Adventures, in this instance) was inevitable:

RIAA: "Kraftplay"

AVANT GARDE HIGH SCHOOL CHOIR

One of my links, Tape Findings, collects cassette home recordings like family gatherings, band rehearsals, kids screwing around with a tape recorder, and other glimpses into private American lives. But in the course of downloading these charming gems this past weekend, I was flabbergasted by the innocuously named "Spring Choir '84." The St. Charles, IL High School Choir evidently had John Cage (or one of his admirers) for a band leader, because the abstract electronic effects and atonal harmonies couldn't be more radically opposed to the usual "Sound of Music" revivals normally found on school concert recordings. Not even the Langley School has anything on this guy. No credits on the cassette label, though. Any St. Charles alumni out there?

The St. Charles, IL High School Choir: '84 Spring Choir

UPDATE: Big thanks to Scott Bank (St Charles alumni class of '82) who commented that John Stoffel was possibly the choir director, and the band director was Jeff Childs.

MINI-KISS

Mini-KISS are not just another KISS tribute band - they're all midgets, dwarfs and whathaveyou. Hence, (as they say), the name. They're touring constantly - Look! Here's a page of photos and some must-see videos:

a page of photos and some must-see videos

CULTURE SHOCK

Doug, of WFMU's show "Give The Drummer Some," created a CD called "Culture Shock" in 2004 as a fund-raising premium, but has recently posted the whole thing on line. As well he should:

"Disco from India? Doo-Wop from Malawi? Rap from Vietnam? Salsa from Scotland? With bagpipes? They're all included here in the online version of Doug Schulkind's 2004 marathon premium, Culture Shock. Dont pass up this amazing collection of jaw-dropping, mind jarring cross-cultural music hybrids. Eighty minutes of melodious map-melters that set the world on its ears. A bonus: The music is not just goofy, it's good!" Sho 'nuff is. Dig:

Ignace De Souza & The Melody Aces - "Asaw Fofor" Doin' the Twist, African-style
Yoon Il-Loh - "Guitar Boogie" Korean country singin' and a-pickin'
Ly Ngua O - "Vo Chong Lam Bieng" From Vietnam, something strange resembling rap music

A kind Maniac (Martin from the Netherlands) sent me the link to this a few weeks back but I couldn't play many of the songs for some reason (too much web traffic? My computer sucks?) so I was reluctant to post it, but it played fine today, so all systems are go. You can also listen to the whole collection streaming by going here, then clicking "Play Page." Thanks to Martin.

THE GREATEST MUSICIAN EVER EXISTED

Italian-born musician Joseph Ferrante may be a paranoid schizophrenic, but that hasn't stopped him from spamming thousands of websites, for some years now, with vituperative and self-glorifying messages. He posts them anywhere and everywhere, even on websites that are supposed to be geared towards, say, pets, or autos. His older message, often entitled "The biggest shocking news on Earth," blames The Beatles for ripping him off and trying to destroy his music career.

And that's just the beginning: After a lengthy list of roadblocks and rejection, he writes, "It was during those same months that I was getting threatening, anonymous phone calls on my mobile, warning me against giving live performances or playing anywhere. The calls were always made from public telephones. One music agent whom I'd contacted in an effort to find myself a manager, apologized, saying: "I'm sorry, but I cannot use you...". He refused to say why and hung up on me. That was when I realized what a huge operation I was up against. So huge, in fact, that in the three and a half years I have been in England this second stay I have as yet to give my first live concert or perform anywhere, despite having contacted more than 20 music agents."

It never occurs to Ferrante (where's Teicher?) that the quality of his music has anything to do with all this. Indeed, a more recent message of his is entitled, "Joseph Ferrante, the greatest musician on Earth," in which he states, "And now, it is time to have a look at the greatest musician ever existed, whose supernatural musical powers made the established musicians and the music industry forge the biggest international plot ever to stop him." Not only that, but, "Joseph Ferrante is a graduated architect, a graduated doctor, a graduated psychologist, a nearly graduated biologist, an astronomer, a web designer, a philosopher, a writer, a painter, a master in all religions (discoverer of mysteries yet unknown to mankind), a master in all occult sciences, a magician, an astrologer, a yoga teacher, a piano tuner and technician, a music teacher, a martial artist, a weightlifting trainer, a graduated actor, an acupuncturist, a chess teacher, a homeopater, a professional level photographer, a four languages speaking man...He heals people for free, either with his medical skills or with his spiritual powers."

Although it's obvious Ferrante himself wrote these messages, they're written in the third person in a breathless, over-the-top rambling manner with lots of CAPITALIZATIONS and extreme characterizations ("...he is the greatest genius ever existed...") and signed by "The Team" or "The News Media."

Joseph Ferrante: "Hey Jude"

THE BLACK NEIL DIAMOND

The Black Diamond is a singer from West Virginia. And, no, he doesn't cover KISS's "Black Diamond" (so far as I know). He is, in fact, a black Neil Diamond impersonator who sings over what are, apparently, thinly-produced karaoke tracks. Despite the fact that he somtimes sings like Neil Diamond being strangled, or perhaps because of it, he seems to get a fair amount of professional gigs in West Virginia, at places like sporting events and at a reception for a medical conference.

"I'm A Believer" He sure is: "I thank GOD for loaning me this gift."

It's a loan? You mean he'll have to give it back?!?

RETURN TO THE CLASSICS: THE TROGGS TAPES

Always good to revisit the standards every now and then - after all, there could be youngsters out there new to the world of strange recordings, and veterans should stay in touch with their roots, no?

"Wild thing, you make my heart sing," sang The Troggs on their big '60s hit, but nothing was as wild as a bootleg recording of them swearing at each other during their attempt to record another hit. Rudderless without a producer, they bicker endlessly, as anxiety and frustration mount to the point where one can't believe they ever managed to record anything, much less a hit. Unfortunately for the British combo, this has become one of their best known recordings. It's even featured on their box-set collection "Archeology."

Apart from inspiring a scene in the film "Spinal Tap," it also became the basis for a sketch on the famous American comedy show, "Saturday Night Live." Set during medieval times, the sketch was based on an almost word-for-word transcription of the Troggs tapes, with "flogging" substituted for the Trogg's favorite swear word. Paul Schaffer (now David Letterman's bandleader) accidentally said "fucking" once instead of "flogging", and, as "SNL" is taped live, it went out uncensored to America's living rooms. As Schaffer later said, "It was sort of historic."

"The Troggs Tapes"

CRAZY RUSSIAN CASSETTE JOCKEY

Hey, DJ Artem calls himself the crazy Russian - I'm not being judgemental. But it is a little kooky to custom-rig a dj setup using, not turntables and records, but cassette tapes, as can be seen here on his website crazyrussian.com. Which, technically, makes him a CJ ("Cassette Jockey") and not a dj. Because dj stands for "disk jockey." And he doesn't jockey disks. So he should, er, you know. Anyway...He also features a mix made on these decks called "Love, Sex, Music," which is quite funky although, as he says, "I apologize for curvature in the first mix - it because Donna Summer strongly groaned."

If that site's too slow, try HERE.

NOT ANOTHER GERMAN COUNTRY BAND DOING ROCK COVERS?!?

They're growing like weeds, everywhere you go. Soon, they'll be on every corner. Records shops will divided into "Rock," "Jazz," "Classical," "Hip-Hop," and "German Country Bands Doing Rock Covers." Yep, just like Boss Hoss, here's another one: The Twang. They do a durned fine imitation of authentic hillbilly yodelin', guitar-pickin' country music as they remake songs originally done by fellers like The Ramones, Radiohead, Motorhead, (what, no Murray Head?), Brittany Spears, The Gorillaz ("Clint Eastwood," natch) and, just to really confuse you, the half-forgotten disco hit "Born To Be Alive," originally done by the almost-entirely forgotten Patrick Hernandez. Like Boss Hoss, their albums are not available on American Amazon.com, dag-nabbit, so until them city-slicker record-company types here in Amurrica sign 'em we'll have to make do with lengthy excerpts of tunes like

"Blitzkreig Bop" and
"Creep"

Like they say in Texas: "Jetzt reiten Sie wieder: The Twang, die Country-Desperados des besseren Geschmacks!"

KIDS LOVE FRANZ FERDINAND

Strange: Since 2001, Razor and Tie Records have been releasing a series of albums called "Kidz Bop," featuring children singing contemporary pop hits. The "adult" lyrical content of some of the rap and rock tunes they sing has generated plenty of one-star reviews on Amazon from upset parents, but the fact that they're up to Volume 8 means that someone's buying these enjoyable slices of pop perversions.

Stranger: They cover indie-rockers Franz Ferdinand's "Take Me Out."

Strangest: An adult male is singing along with the kids. Kinda creepy, like a grown-up playing with children in a sandbox.

Kidz Bop "Take Me Out"

(Thanks to Madena, and Stereogum.)

OH, THIS IS SO WRONG...

...but I can't help myself. A twisted Floridian named Cy gh (that's how he spells it) has taken two of today's greatest musical atrocities, David Hasselhoff (the new William Shatner) and rapper 50 Cent (who, let's face it, will never be confused with Chuck D), and created a fun, funny bit of phony Caribbean nonsense. Perfect for your next pool party, barbecue, or drive-by.

David Hasselhoff "Do the Limbo Dance" + 50 Cent "Candy Shop " = "Do the Candy"
Left-click here, if you dare...

[UPDATE] He's added a b-side, "Pingu's In Da Club." Some of you may recall that I posted a rap song by the Hoff concerning, er, penguins, and it's now been mashed with Fiddy. I'm scared.

TOYDEATH

"Formed in 1995 Sydney band Toydeath use children’s electronic toys to create music you have never heard before! That’s right we only use toys! We have collected an arsenal of toys to make any kindergarten green with envy. You will hear talking Barbie Dolls, Speak and Spells, Rock Guitars, Sax-a-booms, Toy Telephones and lots of other fantastic Toys! Toydeath have also collected toys from their international tours and use Chinese, Dutch, German and Japanese language toys in our set. Each toy has been “Circuit Bent” so it can be amplified and many of the toys have electronic additions to turn them into wild and unique instruments. We also assume toy-like characters with colourful costumes as part of our stage show. On stage you will see GiJoe, L’Booby, Nursey and Trailer Trash Barbie!"

This album's not available in the US, so until I figure out how to get a copy, here's some creepy/funny/clever excerpts from their website:

"The Girl From Ipanema" - Jobim's classic bossa nova gets the rinky-dinky Casio treatment; guest vocals from a talking doll

"Froggy" - an electro-noise original. Ribbit.

THE GANGSTA RAP OF PHILIP GLASS

I can see using some instrumental music from contemporary composer Philip Glass in one or two mash-ups with some rap vocals, but a whole album? Leave it to Boston's mighty mighty DJBC, whose full-length collection of various rappers rhyming over Phil's tunes, "Glassbreaks," debuts online today for your downloading pleasure.

The Beastie Boys, Q-Tip, The Fugees, and Dizzee Rascal are among the MCs who might be shocked to hear themselves accompanied by dignified modern classical music from albums like "Glassworks" and the monumental opera "Einstein On The Beach." But Glass's chugging rhythms are a snug fit with the head-bobbing hip-hop beatz so expertly crafted here, and, after all, Glass has delved into the profane world of pop himself - the debut album by Polyrock, an early-80s band he was involved with, is one of my fave new-wave obscurities.

UPDATE 11/08: Now available here.

EVER ONWARD WITH IBM

Hey! Are you an employee of IBM, making or selling computers and other business machines, in the 1950s? Well, then, straighten your tie, adjust your horn-rimmed glasses, and sing along:

"Ever Onward"

Here's the lyrics, to this, and many other fine IBM anthems, like this one, to the tune of "Jingle Bells":

"IBM, Happy men, smiling all the way/Oh what fun it is to sell our products night and day.
IBM, Watson men, partners of T. J./In his service to mankind-that's why we are so gay"

Not that there's anything wrong with it!

MC POTBELLY

MC Potbelly is, in his words, "...a 42-year-old, white, male insurance agent from Marin County, California," an upper-middle to upper-class enclave about as far from "the 'hood" as you can get. His main influences? "The Sugar Hill Gang, Merle Haggard, and Bob Seger." His music production is as crude as his pimped-out lyrics, which he delivers in a thin, nasal, utterly-white sing-song, following no rhyme scheme known to man. Evidently, there was a full-length (well, 27 minutes) album released, but all that's available now are the two short songs on his Soundclick site:

"Horizontal"
"Potbelly's Rap"

I would kill to hear the whole album. Yo, 'belly! Hit us wit all yr jointz, g!

(thanks to Premium Blend)

HURRA TORPEDO'S INDUSTRIAL SOFT-ROCK

Music Video For Maniacs: one guy plays guitar/sings Bonnie Tyler's '80s shlock-rock hit "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" while two other people jump around like mental patients, percussively pounding on things like washing machines, for some good, noisy fun. Could be a whole new genre of music: Industrial MOR? EZ-Noise?

Kind reader DDay tells us that they're a Norwegian band called Hurra Torpedo:
"Total Eclipse Of The Heart"

Reminds me of a classic Brian Eno quote: when he was visiting here in Los Angeles, he noticed ads for a local radio station promising "Continous Soft Hits." Quothe Eno, "Sounds like some obscure form of Chinese torture."

FUNK CRUEL

The most brutally raw music I've heard in ages is exploding from the ghettos of Rio De Janiero. Unlike most cities, where the rich are up in the hills, Rio's well-off are down on Ipanema and Copacabana Beaches, and the slum-dwellers have the great ocean views, and dance to a style so new, it doesn't have a definite name yet. Call it "baile funk," "funk do morro" ("of the hill,") or "carioca funk," it's all Miami-bass style hip-hop, hoarsley shouted (not really rapped) Portuguese, odd samples, and startlingly primitive production - this stuff isn't low-fi as an indie-rock pose, it really is garage-produced, sounding like vintage '80s floppy-disk samplers and eight (four?)-track recorders finally made it down to the favelas (slums). A lot of it sounds hissy, some tunes are over in less then a minute-and-a-half, songs abruptly cut off, and no-one sounds like they have any music training. Doesn't get any more punk then that, does it? Probably best enjoyed late at night, loud, while drunk.

Two collections were recently released in the States, "Rio Baile Funk: Favela Booty Beats," and "Slum Dunk Presents: Funk Carioca," but mostly this stuff is so far below the radar it's not even underground yet. The crucial Funky Do Morro website has been collecting recordings with names like "Funk Cruel" and "Funk Neurotica" by many often-anonymous baile funk artists:

"Sao Carlos" 1:27 of fun, from the collection "As Melhores do La"
"Funk Neurotica - track 10" throws in a bit of the Italian standard, the Tarantela. I don't know why.
"Rua Lucia Tabajara" This could make those "world-music" types who think all Brasilian music is 40-year-old Jobim-a-nova run screaming out of their Starbucks.

Tantan from Brasil provides us this link:
"Here's a video footage from a "baile funk" party in Rio de Janeiro. There's even a competition of the best bootie dancer of the night. And the prize is... yup, a book. hehehe"

ARTHUR ONE MAN BAND

To describe veteran street-performer Arthur Nakane simply as a one-man-band hardly does him justice. But it will have to do, until someone can a come up with a better name for a performer who sits behind a wagon constructed of PVC pipes holding keyboards, percussion, amplifier, foot-operated drum machine and bass pedals (also made of PVC pipes), while wearing a harmonica holder around his neck and playing a guitar with sticks bolted and clamped to the guitar's neck. While playing guitar in the conventional style, he jabs at the keyboard with these sticks, playing simple keyboard melodies, and hits cymbals. With his right hand, he'll grab, say, a tambourine and shake it as he strums the guitar. All while singing in a thick Japanese accent. Using electronics skills I can't begin to comprehend (he teaches electronics by day), Nakane records his own voice while singing and, again using foot controls, plays it back, harmonizing with himself - a live overdubbing method.

I first discovered Nakane years ago in Santa Monica's outdoor mall, the Third Street Promenade, and, quite unexpectedly, I ran into him last week performing on the Santa Monica Pier, still playing for tips. A hand-made cardboard sign announced he had performed on Jimmie Kimmels's NBC-TV show in February. He's also opened for punk bands, appeared on radio and TV, and was the subject of a short documentary that played the Sundance Film Festival called "Secret Asian Man."

That film got it's name from Nakane's remake of the oldie "Secret Agent Man." When he sings it, not only does he change it to "Secret Asian Man," complete with verses sung in Japanese, but he pulls back his eyes, like when kids make those slanty-eyed Asian stereotype faces!

"Secret Agent Man" - from his CD, featuring treatments of "Band On The Run," "La Bamba" (in severely shaky Spanish), and the definitive "Achy Breaky Heart" - a feast of grungy guitar and English/Japanese lyrics (Hmm, I don't remember Billy Ray Mullett rhyming "sake" with "Nagasaki"...) Order it from arthuronemanband.com, the most minimalistic website ever. Or, as I did, buy a copy from the man himself, should you run into him on Santa Monica Beach. Recorded live, no overdubs, no edits. As Arthur told me, pointing to his equipment, "I am master of this..."

HOMOPHONIA

Yesterday's "Defenders of Marriage" tune reminded me of comedian Eugene Mirman's reverse-prank calls - instead of calling his victims, they call him:

"Starting in late December I began to get phone calls from what I thought was a phone company (United American Technologies) trying to get me to switch from my phone company to a Christian one that didn¹t support gay marriage and pornography...It turns out that they are from a non-profit that works with United American Technologies and calls people on their behalf. UAT then donates money to them...You can also read this article from the New York Sun for more information."

Mirman's reactions are priceless when he is told such mind-boggling lunacy as which phone companies support child pornography. The hillbillies he's dealing with have no idea they're being goofed on, of course. Classic.
"Anti-Gay Phone Company I"
"Anti-Gay Phone Company II"

While we're at it, check out Mirman's "Marvelous Crooning Child." Almost as simultaneously funny and scary as the phone calls. "White Rabbit" is particuarly sick.

ROY ZIMMERMAN: AMERICAN

Desperate times call for desperate satire.

Today's events in London are further proof that the monsters might be winning. But the good guys won't go down without a fight, and singer/songwriters like Roy Zimmerman (not to be confused with that other folk-singing Zimmerman) skewers man's evils with a wit not seen since the heyday of Tom Lehrer. Armed with a guitar, a bag of catchy tunes, and lyrics that are, to quote one of his songs titles, "Pumping Irony," Zimmerman hilariously pledges to defend America from all enemies, both foreign and domestic. Usually domestic.

Dr Demento fans may recall his old group, The Foremen, whose satirical folk songs like "Firing The Surgeon General" preceded "A Mighty Wind" by years.

His website updated the sounds page recently. Just in time:
"Chicken Hawk" lampoons, and lambasts, the prominent Americans who demand war, but, of course, dodged the Vietnam draft. The same types who will now be using London as an excuse for more fighting. And he names names.

"Defenders of Marriage" "Defending the institution against people who want to get married..."

"America" As good (and as funny) a definition of this country as any I've ever heard. It's even patriotic, in an honest, non-nationalistic way - a great song.

THE NUTLEY BRASS

The name The Nutley Brass conjures up images of a traditional British brass band, uniformed members trotting out all the old songs for the old folks at the park. But in fact, this "band" is the project of busy New York guitarist/soundtrack composer Sam Elwitt. He certainly does capture a '50s/'60s sound, though, even as he remakes decidedly non-old-fashioned punk favorites. "The Ramones Songbook As Played By Nutley Brass" was a brilliant update of the kinds of E-Z-cover albums so popular in days gone by, like "The Liverpool Strings Play Songs Made Popular By Herman's Hermits" or "The New Christie Minstrels Sing Motown." But real Muzak rarely had so much style - note the "Chopsticks" interlude in:

"I Wanna Be Sedated"

The Nutley Brass have a brand new one out, "Fiend Club Lounge," dedicated to the music of pioneer shock-rockers The Misfits. Although it's only just been released, it's already offending the dopey goth kids reviewing it on Amazon who don't get the joke and think that it's an actual release by The Misfits. "What happened to them?! This sounds like elevator music!" Ha!

Click on this to listen to a snippet of The Nutley Brass performing "Die Die My Darling," a The Misfits classic from the days when Glen Danzig was lead howler:

"Die Die My Darling"

The alteration of RCA/Victor's "Living Stereo" logo is a nice touch, no?

JOHN WAYNE'S DRUNK

It's cowboy actor/super-patriot John Wayne, here speaking to a stunned crowd of Jay-Cees (Junior Chamber of Commerce) kids during the Vietnam War, completely drunk off his ass. God Bless America!

John Wayne drunk.

As "The Duke" himself would say, it's re-goddam-diculous.

KOOKY KUT-UPS prt.3: WAYNE BUTANE

"Wayne Butane is a crazy old bastard who lives in the middle of the desert with Mrs. Butane and five cats" quoth the liner notes to Wayne's new CD-R "Imbalanced," but more importantly (for our purposes), he also lives with the thousands of hours of audio recordings that must have gone into the making of this album. From campy old B-movie trailers, newscasts, and commercials from throughout the decades, to pop songs and TV-show/movie sound bytes, all manner of sounds are assembled into a vast sonic tapestry of surreal juxtapositions and irreverent, often R-rated jokes.

Running gags abound: Perry Mason keeps requesting Top-40 tunes from the court, a rude robot recalls favorite TV episodes, and children's records and religious broadcasts morph into ads for feminine hygiene. As clever and funny as those British culture-vultures Cassetteboy, but coming from an American frame of reference, Butane has been creating outrageous sound collages for ages - his early works were (now out-of-print) home cassettes. Although I don't see his new one listed on his website
Flaming Canine, I'm sure he'll sell you a copy (cheap!) to anyone who asks nicely.

Wayne Butane "How Bazooka Joe Lost An Eye (excerpt)"
"C.G. & the B.L.'s (excerpt)"

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ho ho ho! It's that time of year again - time to start listening to...Christmas music! Yes, Santa is bringing you a downloadable out-of-print album of holiday music, courtesy of the good elves at falalalala.com. They've been up at the North Pole for the past six months gathering rare Christmas records that will now be offered on a rotating basis.

falalalala.com

Hey, I can make everything different colors like Christmas lights.

KOOKY KUT-UPS prt. 2: CASSETTEBOY

Cassetteboy are, in fact, two boys - a couple of sonic hooligans from Brighton, UK who take political speeches, advertisements, and any other sonic detritus they can get their grubby paws on, chop 'em up and rearrange them to profane, hilarious, and subversive effect. Not for the easily offended, and certainly not for the humorless. Their new release is "Mick's Tape."

"This Woman Stinks!" - an introduction to the Boys
"A Good Walk Spoiled" - a kinky game of golf
"As A Human" - a feel-bad message set to a toe-tappin' ska beat
"Tube Boob" - a terrifying documentary on London Transport
"Pint Of Churchill’s Please Treacle" - the shocking truth about Queen Victoria
"What’s Come Over You?" - Astrud Gilberto goes porn

KOOKY KUT-UPS prt. 1

Stephanie Miller featured this Michael Jackson speech cut-up on her syndicated radio show. It's recorded off the radio, so you can hear the hosts of the show snickering in the background, but it's still an amusing last-word on the whole MJ business that is hopefully now behind us. (So to speak).

"Michael Jackson cut-up"

EYEBALL SKELETON

"EYEBALL SKELETON is the name of our band. It started when I was in Kindergarten and Charlie was in the 1st grade. We thought of the name cause Charlie thought of the name eyeball & I thought of skeleton."

As regular WFMU listeners know, Eyeball Skeleton, the world's greatest pre-teen punk band, recently released their debut album, #1. Consisting of a seven-year-old boy on guitar, his nine-year-old brother on bass, and their father on drums, these pint-sized Cramps mostly write songs about monsters - exactly what I would have written about when I was their age. And, actually, I still would.

Eyeball Skeleton: "Spooky Mummy Case"

MORE HICK-HOP: BOSS HOSS

Combining two recent trends here at "m4m" - country/hip-hop fusion, and weird covers, may I now present Boss Hoss, a German (!) country band that covers rap & pop hits. Their album "Internashville Urban Hymns," debuted at No. 11 on the German charts, so it's not all Hasselhoff over there. It's not such a stretch when they render The White Stripes, Hendrix, or Elvis hits into country corn, but, improbably, Outkast's "Hey Ya," eminem's "Without Me,' The Beasties Boys' "Sabatoge," even Beck's "Loser" get the twangy gee-tars/foot-tappin' treatment. Now here's where it gets scary: they also do Billy Idol's "Eyes Without A Face," just as Paul Anka released his lounge version. When did that song become a standard? Did I not get that memo?

Never thought you'd willingly listen to a Brittany Spears song? Try this:

Boss Hoss: "Toxic" - Replete with absurd Western-movie sound effects, and a singer with a thick pseudo-Texas drawl asking, "Do ya feel me now"?

"Sounds For The Sun-Set"

Mashup/remixers RIAA (Really Interesting Audio Adventures) got some surf/drag, reggae, and exotica mixed with everything from Guns'n'Roses to tv kid's show themes:

"Sounds For The Sun-Set (2005 Edition)
After clicking the above link, scroll down for a choice of downloading options. You may have to wait a few secs.
A surf music beach party made up of mostly other people's records. Finest kine, brah!
Song title/sources:

1. HOLIDAY INN: CAMBODIA - Martha & the Vandellas "Heatwave" vs The Dead Kennedys "Holiday In Cambodia" and thrift-store record sound bytes

2. BOP DON'T RUN- The Ramones "Blitzkreig Bop" vs The Ventures "Walk Don't Run"

3. TRICKY WIPEOUT - Run-DMC "It's Tricky" vs The Surfaris "Wipeout"

4. SWEET CALIFORNIA GIRL O' MINE - The Surf Coasters, The Beach Boys "California Girls," The Beastie Boys "Brass Monkey" Guns n Roses"Sweet Child O' Mine," beach movie bits

5. RASTA BISON HUSTLE OFF ILL APE BAND - title is anagram of "Buffalo Soldier" (Bob Marley) and the name of a certain children's TV show...

6. POPEMOBILE: The Customs "RPM," Fatboy Slim "Rockerfeller Skank"
vocals & lyrics: RIAA

7. SEX ON THE BEACHES - Peaches "Fuck the Pain Away," Jan & Dean "Honolulu Lulu," 20 Fingers "Short Dick Man," Sex Club XXX "Big Dick Man"

8. LOVERS' LUAU - Blondie "The Tide Is High," Beach Boys "Surf's Up," Buddy Holly "Words Of Love," "Ramones "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend," Petty Booka "I W anna Be Your Girlfriend"

9. DAY-O TRIPPER - Harry Belefonte "Day-O," The Monkees "Mary Mary" and the Run-DMC remake, & The Beatles "Day Tripper"

10. TO THE BEACH! - New Order "Blue Monday," Aretha Franklin "Dr Feelgood",media clips, & James Brown thought he told you to "LOVE" him as...

11. SKAWAII FIVE 0 - Toots and the Maytalls "Dog War," The Ventures "Hawaii Five-0," Desmond Dekkar "007 Shantytown," Sol K. Bright's Hollywaiians "Hawaiian Cowboy"

12. CAN'T TOUCH THIS SURFIN' SAFARI - The Beach Boys: "Surfin' Safari," MC Hammer "Can't Touch This," The Astronauts "Baja," some other stuff...

13. SUMMERTIME SAMBA - Los Amigos Invisibles "La Playa Azul" ("The Blue Beach") vs DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince "Summertime"

14. GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE SUMMER FUN: Cyndi Lauper, The Fantastic Baggys "Summer Means Fun," Beach Boys "Surfin'"

15. RED HOT 110 DEGREES - Jan & Dean "Ride the Wild Surf," Public Enemy "Public Enemy #1"

16. CUZ I ROCK HIGH - Jeff Spicolli, Afroman "Cuz I Got High" vs Johnny & The Hurricanes "Red River Rock"

17. The TONGA HUT - obscure Africana: Chief Bey & his Royal Household "Congo Percussion," Barrister "More Fuji Garbage"

18. ALOHA ROCK: Polynesian drumming, The Chantays "Move It," Hawaiian travel record,


additional bits & beatz: RIAA; Art work by Pheugoo
RIAA recorded the first version of this album in 2004 (except for "The Tonga Hut," recorded on 8-track in 2001):

track# 7, 10, 11, 14, 15, 17 are from the 2004 edition - some were remixed/edited

track# 2, 4, 5, 12, 16 are remakes of 2004 versions

track# 1, 3, 6, 8, 9, 13, 18 are new

HIP-HARMONICA

You've seen harmonica players. You've seen hip-hop human-beatbox guys. This unidentified fellow, however, blows a mean blues harp while simultaneously huffin 'n' puffin some ill beatz. He should collaborate with Cowboy Troy, the black country-western rapper we covered here recently. Watch the video:

Unknown Hip-Harmonica Guy

GROOVY TUVA

I may have to end our strange-covers kick we've been on lately, because it just doesn't get weirder then this: Joy Divisions's venerable "Love Will Tear Us Apart" has been redone many a time, but by Tuvan throat-singers? The unearthly sounds of the Far East go punk, according to WFMU's "Beware Of The Blog":

"First heralded by Brian Eno after judging a 1990 musical festival in Kazakhstan, Yat-Kha have been enduring purveyors of traditional khoomei (throatsinging) sounds of its native land of Tuva in South Siberia, while being aware of the western worlds of rock and experimental rock (claiming Deep Purple and Sonic Youth as faves). Leader/bassist vocalist Albert Kuvezin has steered his group into much acclaim over the years and to much larger audience, thanks to hooking up with the Chieftains' management...Their new disc Re-Covers finds them taking on songs by Hank Williams, Kraftwerk, the Stones and more." Yeah, including Motorhead and Captain Beefheart. Not many Americans know Beefheart, so how'd these guys in Mongolia get so hep?

Yat-Kha: "Love Will Tear Us Apart." - About half-way through listening to this for the first time, I just started laughing and shaking my head in bewilderment. No more calls please, we have a winner...

NIRVANA FOR UKULELES

An anonymous tipster (thanks, whoever you are) hepped me to The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain's version of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." This seven-piece combo has only one available album, "Secret Of Life," and it does not contain that Nirvana standard, but still looks to be a worthwhile collection - uke versions of "Le Freak," "Should I Stay Or Should I Go," or Serge Gainsbourg's "Je T'Aime Moi Non Amour" anyone?

But thanks to a site with the oh-so-British name of Scrunty Bastard, we may now hear:

The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Supposedly they're very funny live, and the pictures on their site are amusing - clad in tuxedos, they sit next to each other in a semi-circle, like a classical chamber ensemble.

RADIO CLASH

"Radio Clash" is a podcast hosted by a chap from London, UK named Tim (whose evil twin DJ NoNo has been featured in these pages) who lately has been featuring some of the weirdest, sickest music he can find. And, perhaps not surprisingly, he has turned to "Music For Maniacs" for inspiration. Ready for 2 hours o' fun? Click to listen to:

"Radio Clash Show 31: Audio pOditties" - Playlist and notes here. Li'l Markie's "Diary of an Unborn Child," my nomination for worst record ever made, is so disturbing, he lost some listeners and had to apologize on his next show:

"Radio Clash Show 32: Beach Clash Mash Bash" - Back to the usual unusual shows Tim typically does. Playlist here.

BLACK SABBATH CHA-CHA-CHA

You people can't seem to get enough of the lounge-covers-of-rock phenomenon,can you?
I guess I'm just an enabler - found this in the archives:

The Lounge Brigade: "Ironman" - in which a most-likely studio-concocted "band" does Black Sabbath, from the album "Sabbath In The Suburbs."

"Someone Can Kill This DJ Plz???"

Some stuff recorded mostly in the late '90s - wacky analog synths, sometimes played with free-jazz recklessness; funky, somewhat exotic beats; thrift-store record samples:

"Someone Can Kill This DJ Plz???"

L A PHILHARMONIC PLAYS VIDEO GAMES

"Video Games Live
Wednesday, July 6, 2005, 8:00 PM
Hollywood Bowl

Artists:
Los Angeles Philharmonic
Mark Watters, conductor

A live concert event featuring full orchestra and choir performing music from the greatest video games, plus laser and light sequences, video clips, live characters, and a special segment dedicated to retro arcade classics!
Games scheduled to be included are:
Mario^TMZelda®Halo®Metal Gear Solid®Warcraft®Myst®Final Fantasy®Castlevania®
Medal of Honor^TMSonic^TMTron©Tomb Raider®Advent Rising,Headhunter,Beyond Good & Evil^TMSplinter Cell®Ghost Recon^TMRainbow Six®EverQuest® IIPong®Donkey Kong®

Get more information at www.videogameslive.com."

The Los Angeles Philharmonic, eh? Well, this ought to really make classical music purists' socks roll up and down. Apparently it's touring the USA. Anyone care to give a concert report?

JAYMZ BEE vs RICHARD CHEESE

No, it's not a mashup (though that's not a bad idea). It's an All-Request Thursday! Some of you have asked to hear the sounds of Canadian lounge-revivalist Jaymz Bee & his Royal Jelly Orchestra, and I have one of his albums: "Cocktail: Shaken and Stirred." Honestly, I can't recommend the whole album - different singers and styles on each track doesn't add up to much consistency. And, not being Canadian, I'm not familiar with all the songs covered, which leaves me somewhat out of the joke. But I only paid a few bucks for it used - well worth it for such moments of genius as the sitars-a-go-go remake of "Safety Dance," orginally done by...Men Without Hats? Men At Work? Met At Work Without Hats? Niggas With Hats? (Hehe, a little reference to the film "Fear Of A Black Hat," dontcha know).

"Safety Dance"
"You Oughta Know" - Alanis Morrisette gets what she deserves

Another Jaymz Bee album, "Sub Urban," (covering rap/r'n'b hits) looks worth picking up - both these CDS are available used from Amazon for less then $2, so what the heck.

Richard Cheese, however, is consistent like Ex-Lax. Witty, hilarious - words you never thought would apply to Radiohead, but here it is. You wanted some Dick Cheese, you got it:
"Creep"

And, oh, why not more swanky Anka since you asked so nicely:
Paul Anka: "Wonderwall" - Originally by Oasis, done properly on the new album "Rock Swings."

FRANKENSTEIN EARPHONE RADIO COMPUTER GOD GANGSTER SLAVES!

Plug your nose and take a deep breath - we are truly going off the deep end today.

As Donna Kossy, author of the book "Kooks" and proprietor of the Kooks Museum website says, the writings of Francis E. Dec make the rest of kook literature look as routine as a business memo. Dec, a disbarred lawyer, convicted forger, and paranoid schizophrenic, holed himself up in a house on Long Island, New York in the mid-60s and rarely left it or talked to anyone except through his written diatribes, of which thousands of copies were mailed out to media outlets, and elsewhere. He hated and feared just about everyone, since everyone seemed to be working for the Computer God who was trying to control him through Frankenstein Eyesight TV. Or something like that.

In 1985, radio newscaster Boyd Britton (now working on Los Angeles's KROQ as "Doc On The Roq"), while employed at WZUU in Milwaukee, recorded himself reading several Dec rants, adding occasional studio effects and background music, such as the soundtrack to the James Bond film "Goldfinger." These cassettes were passed around for years, portions of which were sampled by the British group Psychic TV (in collaboration with Don "Kitten Sparkles" Bolles) on the song "St. Francis E" on 1992's "Ultrahouse: The LA Connection" album.

Finally, these tapes are available to the public, thanks to the good people at UBUWEB. One's eyes can easily glaze over trying to read Dec's delirious rantings, but Britton's production and impassioned reading make Dec's hellish visions come alive with hallucinatory power.

Listen to "Rant no. 5"
(I particularly like the bit about the Pope's "High Holy Communion sodomy.")

In the mid-'90s, Dec finally had to leave his house for a VA hospital. As reported in this article, "I Met Francis Dec!," his nurses claim he hardly ever spoke - a surprising end to the life of a man who had so much to say.

PAUL ANKA ROCKS

Paul Anka, the middle-of-the-road crooner responsible for such EZ-hits as "Put Your Head On My Shoulder," "Having My Baby," and a pre-Sinatra "My Way," has a new album due out tomorrow. What's he singing - Broadway? Standards? Love ballads? Ha! "Rock Swings", an early canidate for album of the year, features remakes of songs from the likes of Nirvana, REM, and Oasis, beating Richard Cheese at his own game. Would you believe a mellow "Eye of the Tiger"? "Black Hole Sun"?! A bossa-nova version of The Cure's "Lovecats" (not unlike Nouvelle Vague or Prozak For Lovers)?!!? Billy Idol's "Eyes Without A Face"?!?LOL!?WTF?!OMG?!!? Yes, only by writing like a 14-year-old in a chat room can one express the puzzling sensation of listening to a jazz-tight, finger-snappin' Big Band arrangement of Van Halen's "Jump," sung with utter straight-faced sincerity. Anka's in good voice, the sound is so smooth your mother (or grandmother) would probably like it, and I have no idea what he was thinking. But it is LOL-funny.

Paul Anka: "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
"Eyes Without A Face"

THE QUEEN IS DEAD

I know nothing about this horrific version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" - found it on a peer-to-peer network looking for something else. It's probably a personal recording not meant to be released into the wild, but release it I shall. It's credited to "Moritz" who is most likely the utterly unhinged singer. English is obviously not the first language for this German (Dutchman?), and he clearly has not memorized the lyrics, but what he lacks in some areas he makes up for in sheer uninhibited enthusiasm. He is initially accompanied by tasteful acoustic guitar, but when things get too rockin', they switch over to the original recording by Queen, and Moritz "sings" over that.

Moritz "Bohemian Rhapsody"

Three of the five original members of Queen had the nerve to reunite and play a few shows in England recently, calling themselves "Queen" despite the absence of their late lead singer Freddy Mercury. We know who they should have hired...