MY DICK

My Dick are a song parody group who state their mission thusly: we take famous songs and change the lyrics so we're singing about my dick.

If you're male you're probably laughing. You may hate yourself for doing so, but you're laughing. Stupid, stupid, immature! But funny. Admit it. And all the ladies in the house are rolling their eyes.

The reality isn't quite as funny as the concept, but it's still pretty good. They play and sing really well, quite pro, actually. And I like how they slaughter sacred cows of music by seemingly taking the most offensive choices of songs to use, e.g. John Lennon ("Imagine Dick") and Eric Clapton ("Dick In Heaven.")

Some songs available on their MySpazz page.

At a recent performance in Boston they unveiled such new treasures as the Mexican standard "La Dicka," and the Hall & Oates classic, "My Dick Is On My Dick."

Stop smirking. I see you!

WELCOME TO THE TERRORISTDOME

Fun-da-Mental are a veteran rap group based in England whose 2006 song "Cookbook D.I.Y." was banned there because it gave explicit instructions on how to make a bomb. Bandleader Propa-Ghandi is a Pakistan-born Muslim. Though the song is open to interpretation as it is narrated from a number of points of view, Mr. 'Ghandi didn't come off too well when he was interviewed in the new Bill Maher film "Religulous." When Maher asked him about the fatwa against writer Salmon Rushdie, the rapper (aka Aki Nawaz) appeared to condone it. Is he a fun-da-mentalist?

So far as I know, this song is still banned in the UK, and has never been released in the US.

I always liked Fun-da-Mental's music. They were a kind of Indo-British Public Enemy, decrying social injustice and racism over Bollywood-sampled beats. And I dig the music of this tune. But, as I said to my wife, I don't know if the real Ghandi would appreciate having his name appropriated by a group who named their album (from whence comes this song) "All Is War (The Benefits Of G-Had)." She replied, "Yeah, but you liked "Cop Killer"!

Fun-Da-Mental: "Cookbook D.I.Y." (mp3)
Fun-Da-Mental: "Cookbook D.I.Y." (video) - As if the point could be missed, the lyrics/instructions are spelled out on the bottom of the screen.

Weird trivia: Aki Nawaz played drums in Southern Death Cult, who became one of my favorite guilty-pleasure bands, The Cult. I'll leave any "death cult" jokes up to you, dear readers...

LESBIAN SEAGULL

One day in the early '90s, I was looking through one-dollar records in a thrift store when I came across one called "Gay Name Game." With a song entitled "Lesbian Seagull" listed among it's contents, how could I resist? The album is a typical sensitive singer-songwriter acoustic relic of the '70s, though the out-and-proud lyrics certainly set it apart from, say, James Taylor.

So imagine my surprise when in 1997, in the middle of a mainstream Hollywood film ("Beavis and Butthead Do America"), one of the characters starts singing "Lesbian Seagull." And legendary crooner Engelbert Humperdinck sings it over the closing credits! Eh, what?! I guess Beavis and Butthead creator Mike Judge must have stumbled across this record, too.

Thus, a strange curio from the original gay-rights movement enters the mainstream. It is an amazing tune. And it's original performer, Tom Wilson, is alive, well, and still selling vinyl copies of "Gay Name Game" on his website.

Tom Wilson: "Lesbian Seagull"

Caw, caw, caw!

NIGHT OF THE LIVING MONSTER MASH-UP

If you're like me, you want it a little spooky all year long, so why wait 'til the 31st? Get creepy NOW! with this collection, the fifth annual international mashup/sound-collage various artists fest compiled by England's DJ Cheekyboy. .

Night of the Living Monster Mash-Up official page

DOWNLOAD

Disclosure: I'm one of the mix-ologist involved in this big ol' heap of '60s garage rock, horror film dialogue & soundtracks, candy, lesbianism, satanism, hissy old 78s, mambos, boomin' beats, kiddie records, spooky sound bites and fx. And, of course, Bobby 'Boris' Pickett.
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David Liebe Hart: Artist & Creator

David Liebe Hart believes he was abducted by aliens, hosts a public-access TV program called "The Junior Christian Bible Story Puppet Show," draws pictures and performs music for tips on the streets of Los Angeles, and is looking for a woman.

He has recorded 2 albums: the first (Christian Hymns and Songs of Praise) featured his religious songs from his tv show and was recorded on a tape recorder at a friend's apartment. Taken in small doses, I find the hypnotic droning songs strangely compelling. And this, like many Angeleno's, was my first exposure to Hart's weird world - flipping thru the tv wasteland, I chanced upon the incredible sight of a ventriloquist's dummy named Chip The Black Boy in an already-dated Jeri-curl wig apparently lip-synching to an odd religious song, but not coming close - the dummy's lips rarely synched up with the song being performed, as this video demonstrates.

"Public Access" is his fine follow-up, recorded with a sympathetic soul named Adam Papagan, who had added more sonic color to Hart's previously no-fi production. The song's lyrics, however, are entirely by Hart, and they deal with such subjects as his lack of success with women, people who won't let him play his music, space aliens, his nice apartment, his church, racism, the importance of public-access television, show-biz folks he has worked with (Gary Marshall "used" him, and Robin Williams won't return his calls) and, in the 13-minute "Story of David Liebe Hart," his entire life's journey. He remains upbeat and optimistic and looks forward to a long life and future songs. From his web site: "He is also looking to meet young, attractive, single women. If interested and you meet these qualifications, please call him at 213 3810791. If he is not there, leave a brief message and what you'd like to say with your return phone number and the best time he can call you. Say it slowly and clearly and repeat it twice, and he will return your phone call as soon as he comes in. (serious calls only)."

The album's opener is a dandy minute-long statement of purpose; "Korendian Honk" is a disturbingly sincere ode to aliens, complete with an actual phone message intro announcing his plans to visit the "Korendians."

David Liebe Hart: Artist and Creator
David Liebe Hart: Korendian Honk

MY TRIBUTE TO TONY ALAMO

Today's mp3 is the most spectacularly awful music I've heard in a while, a kitsch epic. But there's more to it then just that.

That's because today's music is by the infamous Tony Alamo, in the news yet again, this time for kiddie porn. The FBI raided his Arkansas compound. Sure, he's in the South now, but I remember when we had him here in Los Angeles. I discovered one of his tracts on a school bulletin board over 20 years ago and have been following the man's exploits ever since.

The tract was a conspiracy theorist's wet dream, claiming that the Catholic Church controlled all the major media outlets, and told every big business and politician what to do. As someone raised as a Catholic, I was outraged! What! I exclaimed, Where's my major tv network or magazine that I can control?!? All the years we spent on parochial school, going to church every Sunday, giving who knows how much money to the collection basket - why weren't we in on the conspiracy? Not fair!

Alamo used child labor to make ugly jackets for rich idiots, was wanted on tax charges, and fled town, leading the FBI on a cross-country chase that, at one point included stealing his dead wife's body from a tomb and carrying it with him while still on the lamb!

Like so many religious/cult leaders, he makes music, much of it country, with gospel-style vocals, all dominated by Alamo's warbly baritone. Doesn't get much better then this tune, which might be a more recent recording, judging by his aging voice. He bellows out the lyrics like a drunk hollering "Wind Beneath My Wings" at a karaoke bar, while the increasingly bombastic music overwhelms the listener, like a Phil Spector production for the deranged.

Tony Alamo: My Tribute - To God Be The Glory

His website is a monument to paranoid madness. A supposed Jesuit oath claims that, in their war against non-Catholics, Jesuit priests are sworn to '...hang, burn, waste, boil, flay, strangle, and bury alive these infamous heretics; rip up the stomachs and wombs of their women, and crush their infants' heads against the walls," and an interview with a mafioso claims that "Bush, the Pope and other top Vatican and U.S. government leaders had prior knowledge and help organize 9/11...to get their hands on all the gold that was hidden below in the Twin Towers." Golly! No wonder the powers that be are always persecuting Pastor Alamo.

King Of The Road - A Bastard Pop Tribute To Dean Martin

Compiled by DJ Clivester, "King Of The Road" is a brand new variety show mixing Dino with rock, electro, reggae/ska/dub, kooky samples, excerpts from Rat Pack shows, even some swing. My favorite might be this gem from Austria's DJ Schmolli, giving Mr. Martin a '60s soul groove:

DJ Schmolli: My Girl Is King Of The Road

And then there's this mutation, featuring a barnyard's worth of Beatle-besotted animals backing Nancy Sinatra, Dean, and a spot of the Beach Boys.

RIAA: "I Saw Her Things (Pet Sounds mix)"

The whole woozy cocktail party, inc. 14 tracks and artwork is here:

King Of The Road - A Bastard Pop Tribute To Dean Martin

ROAD MUSIC

The Honda car company cut grooves into a California highway so that it produces the "William Tell" overture (aka the "Lone Ranger" theme) as you drive over it. Saw this video on the news last night and found it on Advertising Age's website:

My Tires Must Be Flat, the 'William Tell' Overture Sounds Out of Tune

Japan already did this last year, as this article reveals. There's something rather flatulant sounding about the music in the video. A similar concept, an "asphaltophone," was created in Denmark in 1995, and Korea has a road that plays "Mary had A Little Lamb."

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The California road was supposed to be paved over yesterday so I guess I missed it. Cool idea, hope more music like this gets created. How about a big area out in the desert somewhere with lots of these grooved song-roads, all in tune with each other, where anyone can go and drive around on 'em all day?

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BARACK 'N' ROLL

Regardless of what you think about Barack Obama's politics, you must admit that the man is a pop-cultural phenomenon. Has there ever been an American politician who has had so many tribute songs written for him? I've been collecting as many of them as I can find, figuring they're going to be a weird piece of history. And, believe me, it doesn't get much weirder then this one.

Don't know who Buddy Lewis is, but this tune is the funniest, retarded-est bit of Barack 'n' roll I've heard thus far. Because Obama is of mixed race, he did a parody of Cher's '70s hit "Half Breed." Tasteful, eh? Wait, it gets even better: he sounds like a middle-to-old aged Texas trucker, his karaoke backing track is pure cheese, and the video is ridiculous (I recorded the audio from the video). His lyrics are funny, and he sounds like he's having a good ol' time.

Bucky Lewis "Half Breed" mp3
Bucky Lewis "Half Breed" video

I won't describe this one - you just gotta hear it. Not as "outsider" as "Half Breed," but still very odd and funny:

Clare and the Reasons "Obama Over The Rainbow"

"Half Breed" got me thinking - if Obama is only half black, why is he called "black"? If you're half-white, couldn't we just as easily call him "white"? Let's try it! We'll get everyone asking:

Is America ready for a white president?

Won't he just be pushing the "white agenda"?

MORE MUSIC FOR WEIRDOS

He promised, he delivered. Last June, a Maniac of the highest order named Chris made available a treasure-trove of musical sickness for all of you good people, and said there might be more on the horizon. Sho' 'nuff, he's compiled another CD's worth of novelty, outsider, groovy oldies, celebrities, New Wave oddities, mashups, and unclassifiable audio oddities.

Music For Weirdos Volume 5

Thanks again, Chris!

A Kaleidoscope of Meaningless Ectoplasms pt.2

We first wrote about filmmaker Ed Wood here, but let's get into his 1953 feature debut, "Glen or Glenda." "Plan Nine From Outer Space" is the film Wood is most famous for, but "Glen or Glenda" might be my favorite. It's not genre sci-fi/nudie/exploitation like Wood's other stuff. Actually, I don't know what the hell it is. It's usually described as a ground-breaking look at cross-dressing. Well...sort of. Documentary realism is mixed with pure surrealism that doesn't really have anything to do with the subject, such as the weird devil guy (pictured), a taunting little girl, and Bela Lugosi in a mad scientists' lab. These characters don't seem to be real figures in Glen's world, or even figments of his dreams, but rather are symbols of...something.

Wood isn't ranked with the film world's prime surrealists, but these scenes are pure David Lynch, complete with ambient drone soundscapes. Divorced from the visuals, they make for fascinating listening.

"Bevare!" (Bela Lugosi)
"Pull The String" (Bela Lugosi)
Little Girl

Contrast the above clips with this amusingly straight-faced narration describing Glen's dilemma:

Glen or Glenda narration

UPDATE: LARGE HADRON RAP

Thanks to this page, we now have a good quality mp3 of the particle physics rap song we wrote about here, as well as the lyrics, and the vocal track (!) for you remixers/mashupers. I took down the crappy quality mp3 and uploaded the good quality mp3.

THE FLY: THE OPERA

Playing now in Los Angeles until Sept. 27. David Cronenberg (!) directs; conducted by Placido Domingo(!!); music by Howard Shore, who did the score to "Ed Wood", among others. Not a musical, not a joke, but an actual fat-ladies-in-Viking-hats opera. About a dude who turns into a fly. Could I make this stuff up?

Cronenberg, of course, directed the '80s film remake, but the opera's set in the '50s, a la the original Vincent Price film.

The Fly: The Opera

No word yet about a soundtrack album, and there's no music on the website (except heard in the background of some documentary clips) so here's a classic piece of early '60s rock'n'roll sickness inspired by the film:

The Monocles: "The Spider And The Fly"

French lounge combo's weirdly sultry femme fatale Cramps remake:

Nouvelle Vague: "Human Fly"

There's even a song saluting the sequel to the original '50s film, by '80s horror rock legends:

The Misfits: "Return of the Fly"

Finally, a killer spooky surf instro from one of Northern California's premier '60s garage revivalists:

The Mummies: "The Fly"

HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY!!

The '90s cartoon "Ren and Stimpy" was great for many reasons, and one is the music. So I was delighted to read that some industrious fans have compiled two volumes worth of music used in the show for your free downloading pleasure - an absolutely ridiculous seven (7) hours worth! It's mostly '50s library scores of every possible genre, from noir to ethnic to sci-fi to (of course) cartoonish silliness. Haven't heard all of it (will I ever?) but a lot of it seems to be cheerful suburban background music, full of post-war Space Age optimism, perfect for school documentaries.

I couldn't find any mention of him on the show's imdb page, but I think I read somewhere that WFMU's Irwin Chusid was the music consultant. Can anyone confirm this?

Ren & Stimpy Production Music Part 1
Ren & Stimpy Production Music Part 2

This treasure trove comes to us courtesy to two pretty rad looking blogs: DigitalMeltd0wn and Secret Fun Blog. While listening to the music, you might want to peruse the incredible archives of '50s ad art at Plan59.com. I recently blew at least a half hour of work time checking out pics like this one:













Yet another big thanks to solcofn!

THE CHRISTIAN RAMONES

"All-acoustic hybrid of evangelical Christianity and the Ramones." Can this possibly be for real?

The Christian Ramones

"Gabba-gabba pray."

REFORMAT THE PLANET

Very nice documentary video up for only one week about the chiptune scene, those brave souls who make music out of the lowest of low-tech electronics, e.g. Gameboys.

Blip Festival: Reformat The Planet

Man, I loves them bloopy bleepy sounds.



Thanks to J-Unit 1!

I'LL TAKE LAS VEGAS pt2: BRITNEY SPEARS

Britney live in Vegas. Her vocal mic. Only her vocal mic.

If you watch the video, there's enough dancing, costumes etc. to (partially) take your mind off the vocals. But listening to just the audio is reminiscent of that infamous Linda McCartney tape.

Britney live (vocal mic only mix) - video
Britney live (vocal mic only mix) - mp3

By way of historical comparison, here is Linda singing with her hubby's band Wings:

Linda McCartney (vocal mic only mix) - Hey Jude

I'LL TAKE LAS VEGAS

Just came back from Las Vegas, and it's changed quite a bit since the last time I was there a few years ago. Almost all traces of Rat Pack-era Sin City are gone from "the Strip," from what I could tell. Fine dining used to consist of crappy $3.99 buffets, and shopping used to be for souvenir clocks using dice for numbers. Now star chefs and their expensive restaurants and Rodeo Drive-level shopping malls bring in more money then gambling. Speaking of gambling, you don't even use coins for the slot machines any more! I brought a roll of quarters that I never used - the one-armed bandits now take paper money and credit slips, which means no more chingchingching sounds ever time somebody hits the jackpot. In it's place, music is piped in everywhere. Sinatra? Elvis? Forget it - modern rock rules, from hair metal to such unexpected tunes as the Velvet Underground's "Who Loves The Sun" and The Strangler's (!?) "Golden Brown."

Free lounge performances are apparently a thing of the past, too. Lounges that used to feature dudes in tuxedos belting out the standards now sport djs playing modern dance music.

A few classic performers are still making the scene: Tony Bennett, Steve Lawrence, Wayne Newton, and Tom Jones, who we caught at the MGM Grand. Sir Tom was great. His voice is as good, if not better then ever. He rocks, funks, swings, and fills his show with flirtatious comments and gestures that make the ladies squeal every time. Not bad for a dude in his late sixties.

But what's up with his new look? Fake tan, beard. I was expecting: but got something closer to this:

Here's a repost of a lounge singer's original ode to Vegas:

Mike Hudson - I'll Take Las Vegas

and a slew of brilliant and/or hilarious lounge versions of rock hits performed by totally unknown (well, except for Louis Prima, of course) performers' private press releases that were probably only available at their shows (often autographed), which I have lovingly ripped from vinyl. I've been collecting these for years, searching used record store bargain bins, garage sales, and thrift shops.

Chet DeMilo - Sunshine Superman
Louis Prima - Mrs Robinson
Carmen D'Oro - Something
Vic Caesar - Norwegian Wood
The Jose Maria Band - Light My Fire
Dick Burns - Bad Bad Leroy Brown/All Of Me
Candi - Philadelphia Freedom
Deb Hyer - Proud Mary
Wayne & Marin Foster - (Can't Get No) Satisfaction

There are a lot of place-themed hotels in Vegas: Paris, New York, Egypt, etc. How about a Las Vegas-themed hotel?

CHINATUNES, MY CHINATUNES

Today features the most offensive recording I've ever posted! Why? Well...

With the eyes of the world fixed on China right now because of the Olympics, I thought I'd post some early recordings, from the first half of the 20th century, that reveal various Western attitudes towards the Chinese.

The earliest recording I know of regarding China or Chinese people (I'm no expert) is a comedy routine circa 1900-1 that is one of the most awful, mean-spirited examples of ethnic humor you're likely to hear. And it was one of the big hit records of the day! But it does provide insight into the place of the Chinese immigrant in century-old America - as lower class servants of mainstream society, toiling away in laundrys. Taken from the crucial collection The 1890s, Volume 1: Wipe Him Off the Land.

Cal Stewart "Uncle Josh in a Chinese Laundry"

The Chinese may have been initially treated as an exploited working class, but, man, those "Chinatowns" they were establishing in major cities like New York and San Francisco were pretty cool - a heady dose of "mysterious" Eastern culture rarely experienced on American soil. The song "Chinatown My Chinatown," written in 1910, was recorded about a bazillion times in the first half of the 20th century, from the days of vaudeville right up through the '50s exotica era. Al Jolson, one of the biggest stars of the day, was famous for his blackface routine, but here he plays it straight, swinging hard with groovy backup singer gals.

Al Jolson "Chinatown, My Chinatown"

Another popular feature of Chinese communities? Opium dens, where the jazz hepcats would hang out passing around an opium pipe - "kicking the gong around" - for days on end. Cab Calloway used that phrase in "Minnie The Moocher" with most people having no idea what he was singing about.

Louis Armstrong "Kicking the Gong Around"

If a cowboy came a-ridin' up to Chinatown on his horse, he might have been heard playing this version of "Chinatown, My Chinatown" on his gee-tar, from the collection Western Swing: Hot Hillbilly Jazz and Blues (1935 - 1947).

Milton Brown & his Brownies - Chinatown, My Chinatown

And then there's this song, from the album "Novelty songs (1914 - 1946) Crazy & Obscure," about, er, a yodeling Chinaman. I don't know why.

George van Dusen "The Yodeling Chinaman"

WHO'S DOWN WITH LHC? (YEAH YOU KNOW ME)

From Scientific American's website: "You know a science experiment has arrived when a rap song extolling its virtues just hit YouTube. After 14 years, CERN, the European particle physics lab near Geneva, is getting ready to switch on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), designed to seek out new particles including the long-awaited Higgs boson and the possible source of dark matter as well as study the differences between matter and antimatter. The lab says it plans to send the first particles through the LHC's 17-mile- (27-kilometer-) diameter ring in early September and gradually bring it up to full speed over two months.

In honor of the impending start-up, Alpinekat, aka Kate McAlpine, a science writer for CERN, has produced a five-minute rap video starring herself and friends dancing in the bowels of the machine. McAlpine's rap, written during her 40-minute bus commute from Geneva to CERN, gives a rhythmic tour of the mysteries of modern physics and the workings of the LHC, noting that "the things that it discovers will rock you in the head."

Alpinekat: Large Hadron Rap (mp3)
Alpinekat: Large Hadron Rap (video)

Quite a funky tune, actually. This page also features the lyrics, and an acapella version for you remixers/masher-uppers.

This is actually not the first time CERN's musical side has been featured here. Two years ago, we wrote about Les Horribles Cernettes, "The First Band on the Web."