FRANK SINATRA'S GREATEST SHITS

I love Frank Sinatra's music, got tons of his records. But anyone with a career spanning six decades has got to drop a few turds along the way, and The Chairman of The Board is no exception. And that is what we are presenting here today: 15 examples of the worst, from the greatest.

There's the good-bad Frank, which is fun, e.g. finger-snappin' his way thru unlikely/inappropriate songs like Stevie Wonder's "You Are The Sunshine of My Life" (a staple of my Vegas road trips) or his hep-cat spin on Simon and Garfunkel; his groovy mod duets with daughter Nancy (sample lyric: "I'm lookin' out love-colored windows"); or when his take on "Mack The Knife" becomes a self-conscious history lesson on that oft-recorded classic.

And then there's bad-bad Frank. "Mama Will Bark," a duet with the now-forgotten Dagmar, a performer more known for her curvaceous figure than her singing ability, has been called the worst thing Frank recorded, and I would not argue. Literally, a dog of a record. Nothing else here is quite as cringe-worthy, but the unreleased (for good reason) disco version of "All or Nothing At All," or the appalling duet with that ghastly creature Bono come pretty damn close.  Yes, sometimes you can judge a book by it's cover: "Everybody's Twistin'" sounds exactly like you think it would. And has there ever been a good version of "Winchester Cathedral"?

This collection eases you in: at first, there doesn't appear to be anything particularly wrong with this version of "Some Enchanted Evening." The "South Pacific" standard should be a slam-dunk, right?  But it gradually becomes clear that Frank has no feel for the song whatsoever, as he's been hobbled by a terrible arrangement, and it just goes completely off the rails. Surprising that this one got out of the can. (Although I guess you could say that for most of these tracks.)

This collection come to us thru our regular contributor windy via his pal, another mad-dog record collector named MadJon, who conceived, compiled, and created the cover artwork (above) for this festering concoction. Thank (or blame) them! Jon's notes for each song below.


Frank Sinatra - "Come Suck With Me"

01some enchanted evening
02Everybodys' twistin
03 i whistle a happy tune
04mama will bark
05all or nothing at all (disco)
06winchester cathedral
07mrs robinson
08 feelin kinda sunday (w/nancy)
09 life's a trippy thing (w/nancy)
10 you are the sunshine of my life
11bad bad leroy brown
12ive got you under my skin (w/Bono)
13mack the knife (w/Quincy Jones; vibes: Lionel Hampton)
14the 12 days of christmas (w/Nancy, Frank Jr, and the rarely-heard Tina Sinatra)
15 my way

Some Enchanted Evening: The Richard Rodgers estate was very strict about licensing its songs for recording. Altho' Sinatra had recorded this tune in the past, on Columbia in 1949, they gave him a difficult time about it two decades later. Personal? Who knows, but when Sinatra finally got the rights, he made it personal and recorded this ridiculous, horrible version as revenge.

Everybody's Twistin': Sinatra craved hits as much as anyone and would lower his famous standards when required. Here, he takes an old song by Fats Waller called "Everybody's Truckin'." changes the title and imagines he has a twist hit. He didn't. In America it only went to #75.

Mama Will Bark: It's too easy to say that Mitch Miller forced Sinatra to record this. Imagine ANYONE telling Frank what to do! Sinatra puts his all into this record, and seems to be enjoying himself. The flip was the tragically beautiful "I'm A Fool To Want You" which he co-wrote. Both sides did well on the charts. It remains awful only because it's incomprehensible that he would have gone along with it.

All Or Nothing At All: Before the huge success of his Trilogy album, Sinatra was lost in the 70's, with the label he founded only releasing several singles between 1974 and 1980. Clearly desperate, Sinatra re-recorded two old hits of his as disco records in 1977, this and "Night And Day," but "All Or Nothing At All" was so awful it remained unreleased until the Complete Reprise box set in 1995.

Winchester Cathedral: Enjoying a surprise return to the Top 10 charts in the mid-60's, Sinatra decided that every other album would be "for the kids." Like the kids were waiting for this.

Mrs. Robinson: Reportedly, Paul Simon hated what Frank did with his song, as should we all.

Feelin' Kinda Sunday and Life's A Trippy Thing: Juvenile hippy crap. Worst, who could even imagine the word "trippy" appearing in a Sinatra title?

You Are the Sunshine Of My Life and Bad, Bad Leroy Brown: Both from the album Some Nice Things I've Missed (1974), it's another one "for the kids!" The latter song being a #1 hit in 1972, Reprise thought the kids would like Frank's version as a single two years later. It (#83), like the album (#48), did poorly, and so began Frank's lost decade.

I've Got You Under My Skin (duet with Bono): Inexplicably, the public made Sinatra's first Duets album a smash hit, even if it never sounded like Frank was ever in the same studio with his guests, as is most evident here. Frank sounds flat, while Bono's vocal is produced with his trademark ethereal sound. When their vocals are mixed together, their phrasing doesn't match.

Mack the Knife: Sinatra's last album, L.A. Is My Lady, produced by Quincy Jones, is almost entirely awful throughout. Here, Sinatra can't resist changing the lyrics as he salutes the members of the orchestra.

The Twelve Days of Christmas: Featuring his three children (only one of whom ever achieved success on her own) the repetition of the all-too-cute, terribly unfunny jokes quickly becomes horribly obnoxious. It is the one track on this compilation that I cannot bear listening to.

My Way: It would be easier to take if recorded by a better man with a lesser voice, but here Sinatra celebrates a life of bullying abuse which the public is well aware of. Additionally, it is ironic that at his own label, Sinatra cared less about the engineering of his records; on the line "For what is a man?" there is an over-saturation of the vocal on the tape, creating horrible distortion that technology can never fix.

I threw this collection together quickly one day, being too lazy to look for more, but I know more stinkers are out there, and perhaps in the future there will be a Volume Two.

ANOTHER WILD XMAS

'Tis the season for yet another installment of that beloved yuletide tradition, Bomarr's 'wild xmas' compilations of "...the best of the best, and the worst of the worst holiday music out there." And a rocking stocking stuffer it is, too, with some famous weirdos like the Residents and
Quintron & Miss Pussycat, a track from the Moog-sterpiece "Switched-On Santa" (hey, I had that one on vinyl!), and lots of stuff I (and probably you) have never heard of, e.g.: Uncle Anus' "Merry Fucking Christmas Ya Filthy Animals," anyone? A messed-up sound collage, that one is. Amidst all the outsider/novelty sickness is a wonderful '60s girl-group obscurity, "Christmas Time Is Here Again," by The Flirtations, not the Charlie Brown one.

"Wild Xmas With Bomarr" "a solid 79 minutes of madness, and definitely not safe for your sensitive parents." Seamlessly mixed, I might add.

But wait: he says that after 10 years, this will be the last one. Wha..? Don't let the Grinch take this from us! Ah well...have had a couple requests for the infamous Wayne Butane xmas sound collage and the entire 

"Merry Mashmas" 

collection, so it's now back up. As is another request, just in time for Frankies' 100 birthday bash: 

Frank Sinatra "Come Suck With Me."


 

THE GREAT CELEBRITY SING-OFF

Remember the wildly popular "Golden Throats" collections of singing celeb records? 'Twas one of the few areas where the strange-music world and the mainstream met. Those comps, the gods' gift to "morning zoo" radio shows, reveled in recordings by misguided (mostly) actors who probably shouldn't have had any business singing. Record collector extraordinaire MadJon, the man who bequeathed the "Disco Sellout" and "Come Suck With Me" collections unto us, has picked an amazing assortment of Hollywood fruits for us, continuing the "Golden Throats" tradition. There are some straight novelties here by actors who were not trying to be real singers, e.g.: Jim Backus' classic "Delicious," in which he and a lady friend get gradually rip-roaring drunk, and Frank Gorshin's utterly nutso appearance as his "Batman" character, The Riddler.  But most of these sincere attempts at musical art range from unintentionally hilarious to just appalling. The Bruce Willis track in particular will make you want to punch the guy should you ever meet him.

The Brady Bunch's version of the usually interminable "American Pie" is one of the best recorded - it's only 3 minutes long! Why does Pat Boone get so much crap for his Little Richard cover? After all, Gale Storm's take on Smiley Lewis' "I Hear You Knockin" is just as jaw-dropping. Both Rex and son Noel Harrison are repped here, and the Burl Ives song is actually called "The Tail Of The Comet Kohoutek." Was great to finally get a copy of Bert Parks singing the traditional "there she goes...Miss America" pageant theme. And what the hell is Richard Harris on about? Even if you're not familiar with all the names here, the tunes, in styles ranging from rockabilly to schmaltzy lounge, are a sick treat.

MAD JON'S GREAT CELEBRITY SING-OFF

Much thanks to Mad Jon!