JUNK MUSIC

But it's not junk. Donald "The Junkman" Knaack builds musical instruments out of found objects, and plays surprisingly melodic, toe-tappin' instrumentals on 'em. He was even nominated for a Grammy for Best Classical recording for his first album "Junk Music," selections from which were used in a dance piece by famed choreographer Twyla Tharp. From his bio: "Knaack recently returned from...a sojourn into the war-torn areas of Croatia, where he visited numerous villages destroyed in the war. There, he collected spoils of war and debris, and used them to create a Requiem for the war victims." Fantastic.

So many of the wackos I cover here are relegated to the furthest hinterlands of the music world. But this guy, who's at least as eccentric, gets Grammy nominations, in "classical" no less. I've always said that there's a fine line between kitschy novelty records and avant-garde experimentation.

CDs for sale on his site www.junkmusic.org. Low quality audio samples, but good listening nonetheless: http://www.junkmusic.org/junkmusic/player2.html

PRES. BUSH RAPS TO HIS NIGGAS

From RX, the mad genius who had Bush singing "Sunday Bloody Sunday," for the "Bushwacked" project I mentioned a coupla days ago: Who's the Nigga?

The World's Most *ahem* UNIQUE Singer

Wing is a middle-aged Chinese woman who started recording her own CDs after moving to New Zealand. She's obviously spent scads of cash on hiring slick back-up musicians, recording albums, photos, web-site, etc. Like Ed Wood was, she apparently has no doubts as to her talent.

The lovely and talented Mrs Fab bought me Wing's new one, a Beatles tribute, for my birthday in September, and it is spectacular. Imagine a whole album of this: I Want To Hold Your Hand Of special note is her take on "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" - I've never heard the word "kaleidescope" pronounced that way. Must be a New Zealand dialect.

For $3.95 you can join Wing's club and get 5 free downloads. Otherwise, send away for one of her 8 (!) CDs like my missus did, and watch your friend's jaws drop when you play 'em.
http://www.wingmusic.co.nz/

2 ONLINE ALBUMS: "Monster Mash-Up," "Bushwacked!"

UPDATE: DJBC sent me a note this morning (11/2/04) stating that "Monster Mash-Up" is offline due to a dispute with his server. Hope it clears up soon.
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Free downloadable music/video/artwork - WARNING! I contributed to both: "Monster Mash-Up," compiled by Boston's DJBC, plunders spooky music, movie dialogue, and monster-rock classics: Nirvana meets Bobby "Boris" Pickett, The Cramps visit a "redrum," a hilariously grewsome video of what looks like a really bad zombie movie sports a new exotica soundtrack; I did track 3: Sinatra sings "Witchcraft" over Gary Glitter's "Rock'n'Roll prt2."
http://www.djbc.net/mashes/monstermashup/

Even scarier: "Bushwacked!" a 2-disk collection of sound-collage/sampling songs about "President" Bush and the war is now available, thanks to Twinkleboi: http://bushwhacked.twinkleboi.co.uk/
Lots of funny Bush speech cut-ups, but some just let Bush stick his foot in his mouth without any assistance. RX is particulary brilliant: "Dick Is A Killer" is hilarious, and, incredibly, RX actually gets Bush to sing U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday" thru the miracle of sound editing.
I did "O.I.L." featuring Jello Biafra, Big Black, Black Sabbath, Hendrix, and The Misfits.

Both are highly recommended, despite my contributions...

HATE CELL PHONES? ME TOO!

Unless I'm using one, or course. Then it's neccessary! But ringtones can be maddening under any circumstances. Fortunately, Don Amott, King of Country (as he is known) has taken a ringtone version of Roger Miller's "King of the Road," added some music from Miller's original version, (continuing the weird country kick we've been on here) and, if that wasn't amusing enough, slammed it into some boisterous Public Enemy rap rage. This is INSANE:
http://www.dasboot.net/kingofthetmobile_Don_Amott_KofC.mp3

This one's brand new, but he has lots more country mash-ups here: http://www.dasboot.net/downloads.html

When politicians use the phrase "rogue country" I think this is what they mean...

DOLLY PARTON SINGS LED ZEP

Dolly Parton singing "Stairway To Heaven" is weird enough, but then San Francisco's DJ Earworm mixes in (takes deep breath) Laurie Anderson, The Art of Noise, Eurythmics, Beatles, Beastie Boys, and Pat Benatar!
http://www.djearworm.lunarpages.com/Stairway_to_Bootleg_Heaven.mp3

HIP-HOP HEADZ BE FEELIN' DAT COUNTRY MUSIC

A talented artist from the Netherlands (I think) named Pheugoo has created a couple of mash-ups featuring hip-hop vocals over c&w music. Yee doggies, this stuff is good:

http://members.home.nl/pheugoo/Pheugoo%20-%20Smokey%20And%20The%20Yeah.mp3
Usher's "Yeah" vs Jerry Reed's hillbilly pickin' soundtrack music to "Smokey and the Bandit"

http://members.home.nl/pheugoo/Pheugoo%20-%20Raw%20Bizkit.mp3
Limp Bizkit vs that cowboy classic "Rawhide," as performed by the Blues Bothers. This one works so well you will actually enjoy listening to Limp Bizkit. Almost.

WAYNE BUTANE SUCKS BIGTIME

He doesn't really. That's just the name of his latest CD-R. And if the Land of Music For Maniacs had one of those wacky drive-time morning radio shows, it would be this. Arizona's Wayne Butane, like a cross between Howard Stern and Negativland, cuts up sound bytes from every conceivable source - radio, TV, old records etc - and makes them all sound lewd, rude and crude, with more belching and farts this side of an old-folks home. Audio surrealism abounds: Martha Stewart makes "hedgehog barley soup," as a stoned-on-Oxycontin Rush Limbaugh mumbles and giggles over psychedelic rock. Wayne's previous disk "Backwash" was arguably better, but was just one long track - this one's divided up into 7 tracks for your convenience. Only 5 bucks from www.flamingcanine.com , a bargain considering how many countless hours of sound editing must have gone into this. And remember: "Free Nelson Mandela! Inside specially marked boxes of Kellog's Puffed Rice."

Some quick mp3 snippets from one of his older recordings are at the bottom of this page:
http://www.flamingcanine.com/waynebutane-pbp.html

BAD GERMAN MUSIC - The REMIX ALBUM

Got an email this morning from So-Healthy-Music directing me to their "net-label" straight outta Cologne, Germany, and, for once, this was some spam I was happy to get: had a wunderbar time this morning listening to one of their strudels, an album called "Kraut fur Alle." Culling samples from the least-hip kinds of German music: crap pop, easy-listening, Cologne Carnival music (guess it's their own Mardi Gras), the Ajujatronik crew keep it mostly instrumental, so no language barrier. Don't recognize the source material, so I'm probably missing out on the joke somewhat, but slammin' head-nodding beatz is a universal language, ya?

"Herb For Everyone!"

SINGING RETARDED KIDS - New York

"How's Your News" is the name of a roaming band of retarded/disabled young folk who crossed the country on 2001, recording some incredible music along the way: http://www.howsyournews.com/music.html. Buy the CD, watch the video (financed by the "South Park" guys, by the way). And this Friday Oct 25 they'll be performing in New York to celebrate their new documentary "How's Your News: Election Special." It features their interviews with many major political playas at the Rebublican and Democratic national conventions, and it airs on Channel 4, UK, Oct 26, and, in the US, Nov 2, 9:00pm on the Trio channel.

What's Trio, anyway? A whole network dedicated to those "Da Da Da" guys? I wish we got it - I read recently that they show classic porno movies with all the sex cut out - "Debbie Does Dallas" in 30 minutes.

SINGING RETARDED KIDS - Los Angeles

How'd I miss this? The Kids of Widney High have a new album - "Act Your Age." Widney High is a school for retarded/disabled kids who write their own songs, backed by grown-ups from the faculty. Their debut's slick '80's dance-pop production was in startling contrast to the off-key vocals and wildly uninhibited performances, but the follow-up "Let's Get Busy" corrected that with rockin' guitar arrangements that turned the Kids' rantings into something resembling a pack of pint-sized Henry Rollinses.

Their new one is their best yet: "Life Without The Cow" is a great punktry-western stomper that ponders, yes, life without cows: "No Ben & Jerrys!" Glad to see their long-time yuletide favorite "Santa's In A Wheelchair" is finally committed to one of their disks, and "Valentine's Day" will honestly put a lump in your throat. As for "E.L.V.I.S., " wow. WOW. Must be hear to be believed. Here's an excerpt: http://www.kidsofwidneyhigh.com/mp3/Elvis_clip.mp3

Bet you wish you live in Los Angeles, home of Widney High. The Kids frequently play around here, and I'll never forget when I saw them rock the CIA. The California Institute of the AbnormalArts, that is, located literally around the corner from my estate, Faboo Manor. The CIA is worth a visit no matter who's playing. It's designed to feel like you're entering a creepy/fun carnival sideshow, with an extensive collection of circus memorabilia including, at one point, a (supposedly) mummified clown. http://www.ciabnormalarts.com/ What better venue for the Kids as they tore thru their reportorie, including rockified remakes of first album classics like "Insects" (they don't like them) and that ode to the importance of doing your chores, "Throw Away The Trash"? No helpless, pathetic Jerry's Kids these: "We got CDs and T-shirts for sale here! Thank You!" The Kids are not only alright, they're all rock.

MR FAB - "Graffiti Beetles"

Graffiti: spray-painting original art over someone else's property.

MR FAB - "Graffiti Beetles"

Song titles are anagrams of the song that provided the backing track.

1. I Want Horny Adulthood
2. See Rock Tatoo Wound (Yawn...)
3. You're Moot, FM
4. Ma Peels Eel Peas
5. DEVO Mole
6. Reagan Twisted Her Shin
7. Yo! Ho Us, Elves
8. Dad Hath a Syringe
9. My Vocable Tune
10. What Donut Sits?
11. [missing, hope to add it later]
12. I Wowed On Organ
13. Jed Huey
14. [also missing, but it wasn't that great]
15. Fervid Retro Barfly's Sewer
16. Bleet It

Mr Fab plays primarily on a custom-rigged Roland Juno 60 synthesizer, and frying pan, trash can and snare drum on "What Donut Sits?"

Recorded late 1990's on 8-track cassette. Thanks to whoever did the artwork!

MUSIC BY DOGS, AND ELEPHANTS

Recently I was picking up one of our dogs from the groomers, and spied a display of CDs by K-9 Fusion. The back cover said, "10 1/2 year old mixbreed, Sven the Love Dog, plays each and every instrument on his debut album. The only exception is the drums, which are played by Sven's owner Steve Brooks. Every intense vocalization is produced by Sven, or one of his canine friends...face it, this Dog's the SHIH TZU! Enhanced CD contains a video of the making of K9 Fusion. See for yourself as Sven pounds the piano, claw-picks his guitar, and gnashes his teeth on bass strings with the ferocity of Hendrix himself." Of COURSE I bought one.

The "album" is actually only 13 minutes. The drums basically hold it down, with random plunking, plucking, and growling on top, giving it a canine free-jazz feel. "Pants" is 7 seconds of a dog panting. Some sounds have obviously been sampled and looped to make it more "musical," but check this sweet funky bass groove: http://www.petradio.com/Content/MusicAndBooks/DirtyDogLoveSamp.wma
Obviously it's been looped, but I find it hard to believe that a dog could come up with something like this even once.
The 8-minute video might be the best thing about this - see Steve the human (a dog trainer here in Los Angeles) jammin' in the studio with the mutts! Get it here: http://www.k9u.net/alphaent/k9uhome.nsf/K9Fusion%20?OpenPage

Which reminded me of my fave album by animals: "The Thai Elephant Orchestra." Real elephants. Real music - not sampled and looped, but recorded live in an Asian Elephant sanctuary in Thailand. Performing on giant custom-made drums, gongs and metal xylophone-type instruments, as well as unmodified human instruments like harmonica and theremin, these pachyderm popstars improvise "tunes" of their own composing. Before you say, "Not another album of elephants playing theremins!" listen to songs like "Swing Swing Swing" (no, not the Benny Goodman one). These beasts possess an amazing sense of rhythm. This isn't just random banging and clanging, but exactly the type of music you'd expect elephants to make - slow, heavy, exotic. Oriental ambient free-jazz.

Their new album "Elephonic Rhapsodies" will be out soon, but with a cast of guest humans, and some "covers" they were trained to play of Beethoven and Hank Williams. Ele-core purisits (ele-core isn't just music, it's a way of life, man!) may be disappointed by this, but there is a bigger group of 'phants this time out, 12 on this song alone: http://mulatta.org/mp3s/Ganesha.mp3, so they haven't sold out yet. From Mulatta Records: http://mulatta.org/

ROCK'N'ROLL FAMILY SLIDESHOW

I want to stick to current releases, so I'd better review this one quick - it's already a year old. But you gots to know this one: The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players. They collect old family slides from estate sales in their Seattle 'hood, and write songs inspired by the slides, which are projected as they play. They are a family - Mr T sings lead, plays instruments, Mrs designs the costumes and clicks the slide projector, daughter (8 years old when I saw 'em last year) plays drums, sings backup. "Vintage Slide Collections," their debut on Bar None Records (They Might Be Giants' old label, which should tell you something) is chock full o' wonderfully catchy quirky pop tunes like "Mountain Trip to Japan, 1959," "Eggs," and a really odd suite of songs based on slides from a McDonalds corporate convention. The CD comes with a booklet of photos of the slides so you can follow along with the music. Supposedly, you can pop the CD into your computer and get the slideshow that way too, but that stuff never works on my crap PC. Yes, you're not getting the full effect by just listening to the music, but the rousing closer "Believing in You" stands on it's own. A nerd-rock classic.

POLKA-RAP

Just in time for Oktoberfest...

Rappin' over polka tunes - it's the "in" thing. Why, all the kids are doing it! Check out these hysterical mash-ups, which, like a lot of stuff I'll be covering here, is only available on the internet:

E-Jitz: "50 Bluebells" (50 Cent vs Scottish music legend Jimmy Shand's "Bluebell Polka")


DJ NoNo "Just Lose the Accordion" (eminem vs Lawrence Welk's accordian weilding polka-meister Myron Floren, as well as another thing called "Circus Polka.")

Ein...zwei...drei...SUFA!!!

Welcome

Incorrect music, all that is bad, wrong, weird, or even illegal, will be covered HERE! Run! Get out while you can!