New Leaders of the Eldritch Cult

If H.P. Lovecraft-inspired Christmas carols just aren't, you know, dark enough for you, dig:



It's an excellent new album from The UK's Will "Seesar" Conner and his large contingent of daemonic underlings creating Lovecraft-inspired dark ambient soundscapes, much of it created with found things on which mortal man was not meant to be making music.  You might not necessarily know that from listening to this album, tho, as it's all quite musical, with each track creating its own sonic world. No random, self-indulgent banging-and-clanging here - Dr. Connor does have a PhD, after all.

The opening track is some genuinely spooky stuff - Mr. Connor shouldn't be surprised if horror film directors come a-calling. "Sirens" sets us adrift on a haunted ship lost at sea. Other tracks suggest dense rain forests, or swarms of giant insects. Way cool! Too bad this album came out after Halloween.

I asked Connor about he and the other members of his coven's use of found/invented instruments: "the re-purposed stuff is on all the tracks and that's all me, for the most. There's bicycles, pot lids, mixing bowls, unopened 2 litre bottles (they make great chime sounds!), bags of fertilizer (that was a less than pleasant day at the studio for my nose...), glass jars, various bottles, pieces of aluminum, newspaper, plastic, and much more. Arcaide makes a lot of his own electronics, and I think Benjamin Pierce does as well. Hell is Carbon is entirely guitars, but he used extended techniques for all the tracks to which he contributed. I think Druha Smrt, Babalith, and The Strange Walls (for this one track) used primarily store-bought instruments played traditionally, but, as you can hear, they stayed well away from standard melodic and harmonic material for the most."

ANOTHER WEIRD-ASS CHRISTMAS

Our pal Cat A. Waller has assembled another great batch of oddities, novelties, and cheese with a yule-time spin and I'd love to break it down for you, but Cat fears the copyright nazis, and would rather you just download this beast and check it out for yourself. Actually, a lot of it is quite old, so it's probably ok, but hey, can't be too careful nowadays. I can tell you that it's ingredients include: polka, lounge, the voice of Mr Magoo, holiday hillbillies, some helpful radio Public Service Announcements, some vintage burlesque naughtyness, a well-known indie rock band covering a song-poem, and a quite inexplicable number about a prog-rock star in his own winter wonderland. A wildly entertaining assortment that helps to make the season bright.

Cat's other collections, and a great discovery (The Ghostly Trio album) are also available here:

Cat A. Waller's Xmas mixes

Thanks, Cat!

ROCKING STOCKING STUFFERS

To make up for my absence from blog-land*, here's about five bajillion hours of weird Christmas music. There's even a new blog called WeirdChristmas.com that has two swell podcasts so far, featuring the likes of Hasil Adkins, Tiny Tim, song-poems, and the truly horrifying Danger Woman. Hoo-yah! Pour the spiked eggnog, we got ourselves a party.

Our Central California agent-in-the-field Don-O has whipped up this HI-larious collection of Christmas Chomedy. Only 11 tracks, but classics from Albert Brooks, and the Portsmouth Sinfonia ("The World's Worst Orchestra" - featuring Brian Eno on clarinet!) sit alongside more recent gems from Stephen Colbert (one of the first things I ever downloaded from iTunes), and rad rarities that are new to me, like the one from ye olden Los Angeles radio personality "Sweet" Dick Whittington, and the gnarly surf rocker from the Go-Nuts. Oh, and speaking of L.A. radio, The Credibility Gap was a great '70s comedy show that featured Harry Shearer and Michael McKean.

"Santa Shtick"

Despite the back cover artwork listings, there are actually 11 tracks; not listed is a message for KMart employees, and Jon Stewart's "Message From A Jew."

Don-O has also hepped us to the fact that the glory and wonder of Shittyflute now features Christmas songs. Yes! Inept flute/recorder solos (even the occasional violin) played over classic songs is a deceptively simple strategy that still makes me laff every time. Irri-tainment at it's finest. Much thanks to Don-O, whose "Hour of Crap" is happily now being archived.



It's Christmas-time, in the Shitty...

And if all that wasn't enough, prepare thyself for albums and albums of kooky kids and their DIY smart-ass home-brew christmas chrap, accurately described by our new Maniac pal Quentin as The Motherlode of F'ed up Xmas music: "people at the Something Awful forums have been doing an annual Christmas album since 2009. The complete archive is on Bandcamp at  

http://saxmas.bandcamp.com/
- some highlights are:

http://saxmas.bandcamp.com/track/ho-ho-ho-its-christmas-time (possibly
the greatest Christmas song of all time)

http://saxmas.bandcamp.com/track/we-wish-you-an-adequate-festive-period

http://saxmas.bandcamp.com/track/good-king-wenceleslas

http://saxmas.bandcamp.com/track/das-sexy-reindeer-danz (this one's also
really good)

http://saxmas.bandcamp.com/track/alcoholic-christmas

http://saxmas.bandcamp.com/track/hell-bring-you-coal (parody of the
great "Hand of the Almighty" by John Butler)

http://saxmas.bandcamp.com/track/christmas-cucumber-in-da-butt

http://saxmas.bandcamp.com/track/hey-everybody-its-christmas-time


There's also supposed to be a torrent of the whole collection at magnet:?xt=urn:btih:4DBFD6935BEB93965A4601A8B42CBE72B50947E7&dn=Goon%20Christmas%202009-2015&tr=udp%3a%2f%2ftracker.openbittorrent.com%3a80%2fannounce&tr=udp%3a%2f%2ftracker.opentrackr.org%3a1337%2fannounce - but I haven't tried the link, as my connection has a data cap. [UPDATE: Quentin tried it, and it works.]

I actually submitted one to this year's collection, which will probably be released shortly before Christmas - I sampled my cockatoo doing his normal spaz when I leave the room, turned it into an SFZ instrument, used a MIDI of "Carol of the Bells", and added some samples of my macaw talking. The result was described as "Christmas in bird hell" in the thread."

Eagerly awaiting that - Sampled animals are always welcome 'round my pink aluminum xmas tree. Thank you, Quentin.
 
*A nice Maniac even wrote asking if I was ok. I'm fine, just very busy.

WEIRDER-ASS CHIRSTMAS

As promised by compiler Cat A. Waller, 

"Weird Ass Chirstmas" is now up. Any Scrooge would have his head turned around by this: Esquivel, Mel Blanc, a guy singing like a frog, a track from the infamous "Star Wars" xmas album, Stewart Copeland of The Police in his oddball 'Klark Kent' persona, Fred from the B-52s singing about fruitcake and Sammy Davis Jr with an upset stomach, Wayne Newton going disco (one of my long-time faves), and, er...Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Christmas." 

Sorry to the requester who asked for "Bah Humbug: An Alternative Christmas" - can't find that one. But I did re-up this one, a whole album about trees.

See y'all next year!

ANOTHER WILD XMAS

'Tis the season for yet another installment of that beloved yuletide tradition, Bomarr's 'wild xmas' compilations of "...the best of the best, and the worst of the worst holiday music out there." And a rocking stocking stuffer it is, too, with some famous weirdos like the Residents and
Quintron & Miss Pussycat, a track from the Moog-sterpiece "Switched-On Santa" (hey, I had that one on vinyl!), and lots of stuff I (and probably you) have never heard of, e.g.: Uncle Anus' "Merry Fucking Christmas Ya Filthy Animals," anyone? A messed-up sound collage, that one is. Amidst all the outsider/novelty sickness is a wonderful '60s girl-group obscurity, "Christmas Time Is Here Again," by The Flirtations, not the Charlie Brown one.

"Wild Xmas With Bomarr" "a solid 79 minutes of madness, and definitely not safe for your sensitive parents." Seamlessly mixed, I might add.

But wait: he says that after 10 years, this will be the last one. Wha..? Don't let the Grinch take this from us! Ah well...have had a couple requests for the infamous Wayne Butane xmas sound collage and the entire 

"Merry Mashmas" 

collection, so it's now back up. As is another request, just in time for Frankies' 100 birthday bash: 

Frank Sinatra "Come Suck With Me."


 

"All I Want For Christmas Is A Goat"

The Worst Christmas Record Ever is back on-line. As well it should be.

And I thought that my beloved pot-bellied pigs Christmas album was the nuttiest sampled- animal- sound-fx Christmas album, a cherished tradition going back to Don Carlos' Singing Dogs in the 1950s. But this one just might beat 'em all. Goats! The silly Swedes behind this album chose very traditional, usually religious songs, and perform them with straight-faced solemnity. The contrast between these o holy nights and the goats' unholy screams is the funniest, flat-out weirdest holiday novelty I've heard in a while.

I'm not posting the album cuz it's brand new and the proceeds go to charity (Yes! buying weird music is finally tax-deductible!), so do the right thing and get it here:

"All I Want For Christmas Is A Goat" (or any number of other places, iTunes, etc.)

WEIRD-ASS CHRISTMAS

Maniacs! Do any of you have the "Trekkies 2" soundtrack? I've been getting lots of requests lately to re-up oldies, and that ones' file has gone missing. But lots more old posts are back up, cuz you axed for it:

"A Crafty Ladies Christmas"; 2 volumes of "Christmas Is For Weirdos"; lots of "Horrible Singing Children;"  RIAA's albums, except for the most recent ones (the ones on top, will get to those soon); and 8-count-'em-8 Zoogz Rift albums.

Merry Kissmyass! In the holiday spirit of giving, two fine Maniacs have hit us with some great comps of x-citing, x-otic, (x-hausting?) xmas weirdness:

"Deck Your Face With Xmas Music" - Don-O, who compiled the two "Ultimate Ultimate Xanadu" comps for us, is a wearer of many hats, two of which conjoin here: his 'zine "Twilight World," and his mix-tapes. In the latest ish (#20) of his compulsively readable publication, Don dishes at length on his fave Christmas albums (here's a preview), and this is the audio companion. Great stuff, ranging from the sleazy 1960 Sun Records "Rockin Stockin" single (perfect for "rated x-mas" burlesque shows), to some kooky Space Age sounds from the Three Sons, to a wild Optigan track (man, I gotta find a copy of this album), culminating in a spectacular reading by filmmaker John Waters on why he loves Christmas.

Cat Waller, who bequeathed unto us those lovely "Monstro Monster Mixes" is back with several volumes of yuletide yummies: 
 https://xmasmixes.wordpress.com/
We posted a link to this page last year when he put up "Rude Ass Christmas Mix (NSFW!)" which claims he has tweaked a bit for this year. I deffo also recommend the "Lynchian"  Ghostly Trio album, recorded off a tape as just side 1 and side 2. Concidentally, Don-O includes a track from it on his collection. And Cat claims that there's a "Weird Ass christmas Mix" a-comin', so keep watching the skies!

"Female Trouble": The Soundtrack

By request from multiple requesters requesting requests...now back on-line:
RIAA: "Sounds For The Swing-Set," "Radical, Intense and Awesome", and "Schizophonia Suite." And just in time for summer: "Soul Surfin'."

Following the recent post of the soundtrack to the John Waters film "Pink Flamingos," blogger extraordinaire Jonny Zchivago slipped us the OST to Waters' 1974 classic "Female Trouble." Ingredients: some splendidly sleazy early rock, inc "Underwater," one of my fave surf oddities; Nervous Norvus hippin' the squares to that jive lingo; the singing debut of Divine; some slices of corny suburban cheese; and choice bits of dialogue from the film. As the great Nervous Norvus would say, dig-a-roonee:

"Female Trouble" Soundtrack + Bonus Filth!

01 Divine - Female Trouble Theme [original lyrics sung over an existing song...but what is the song?]
02 "Christmas at the Davenports"
03 Gene Autry - Jingle Bells
04 Ruby Wright with Cliff Lash and his Orchestra and the Dick Noel Singers - Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry Xmas
05 "The World of Heterosexuality"
06 Chuck Río & The Originals - Blue Kat
07 "A Meatball Sandwich"
08 Nervous Norvus - Dig
09 Bill Black Combo - Yogi
10 101 Strings Orchestra - Bridal March
11 "Retarded Brat"
12 The Frogmen - Underwater

Order now and we'll include these free gifts! Some songs not on the soundtrack, but inspired by the film that I've added to the file Jonny sent us:

- D. Sticker Ensemble - Massey Resource [sound collage of film dialogue vs Philip Glass (?)]
- Eartha Kitt w/Bronski Beat - Cha Cha Heels [a couple of disco/house stompers]
- Rosabel w/Jeanie Tracy - Cha Cha Heels
- The Cowslingers - Cha Cha Heels [trashy garage-rock]

Thanks and praise to Jonny Zchivago!
  

Mark Mothersbaugh of DEVO's Mutated Christmas Album

This 1999 collection of eccentric electronic instrumental Christmas music by Devo's Mark Mothersbaugh doesn't sound much like Devo, or, for that matter, Christmas music. It does sound really nice, tho. As the song titles indicate, the tunes suggest famous Xmas carols, and sometimes just barely at that, e.g.: the cartoonish "Midnight Windup Toy". And isn't "Soylent Night" the greatest title?

Mark Mothersbaugh - Joyeux Mutato

01 Jingle$, Jingle$, Jingle$
02 Blue Joy

03 Midnight Wind-Up Toy
04 Bell Boy
05 Happy Woodchopper
06 Only 12 Shopping Days Left
07 Peace And Goodwill
08 Enough Xmas For All
09 You Better Watch Out...
10 Let There Be Snow
11 I Don't Have A Christmas Tree (Soylent Night)
BONUS: Devo - Merry Something To You [a barely minute long jingle from a 2010 Warner Bros xmas comp]

I was reminded of this album after li'l bro Paul Fab told me about the big ol' Mark Mothersbaugh exhibit he saw recently at the Denver Museum of Contemporary Art. (That's Paul at the exhibit, above.) It's a career retrospective of Devo memorabilia and Mothersbaugh's prodigious visual art output. Check the short (exclusive! not on YouTube!) video below Paul shot of some crazy contraptions: "I believe he calls them Orchestrions. It's a gallery (his kooky rugs on one wall) with four Orchestrions which all play together. They're mostly old organ pipes, but also many bird calls, whistles, metal bells and other noisy things. They're cobbled together with visible electric (and barely electronic) controls all left out and taped into whatever position they're supposed to be in. Every 5 minutes they start playing. What a cool sound."

Damn! Can't wait to see it. Once it finishes its Denver run, the exhibit will be on tour for a couple years. (I did quite like Mark's "Beautiful Mutants" gallery show in 2009.) Thanks to Paul for the pic and vid.

"Christmas Memories Played on Antique Musical Boxes"

Victorian-era robots! Plinkety-plonkety music not played by human hands!

If the phrase "music box" conjures up images of that tchotchke in your grandma's living room with a ballerina twirling around on top as "Moon River" plays, you may be surprised to hear how lush and orchestrated these beauties sound. We don't know exactly what singers and musicians of the pre-recording era sounded like, but as these big boxes, sporting such impressive names as the 'Symphonium,' were actually found in household parlors of the late 1800s, listening to them is a bit of a time machine into them long gone days before radio, records, or the internet provided in-home musical entertainment, and song titles all started with "O."

The tunes featured on this 1977 release are short, sometimes under a minute, so for the big hits like "Silent Night," they wind 'em up and play the song two or three times in a row. And if you hate Christmas music, there's plenty of unfamiliar songs here that don't feel especially seasonal and could feed your mechanical-music jones all year 'round.

Christmas Memories Played on Antique Musical Boxes

1. O Tannenbaum
2. O Sanctissima
3. Silent Night
4. Among Shepherds-The Holy City-Every Year Anew
5. O Come Little Children
6. O Tannenbaum
7. O Come Little Children
8. See the Conquering Hero
9. Cloister Bells-Ave Maria
10. O Come All Ye Faithful
11. Monastery Bells 

Another vinyl gem unearthed by this blog's ol' pal Brer Windbag. And if you're looking for some appropriate Victorian-era literature to read whilst listening to this, how 'bout this 1882 book of children's short stories that usually feature the children dying. Features the feel-bad classic, "The New Mother":

"Anyhow Stories"

O come little children, indeed. "The Imitation Fish" is another cherished tale to make your kids miserable. And who wants to set "The Paper Ship" to music?
Thanks to Count Otto, and Windy!

Krazy Krustmas Kollections

I don't usually post things I haven't listened to, but by the time I have the opportunity to check these recent presents that Santa dropped into my in-box, these seasonal sounds will be out of season.

This blog hasn't been very active lately, and one reason is technical - the official M4M computer hasn't been feeling well (I'm writing this on Mrs. Fab's borrowed laptop). So I'm entrusting you-all to listen and review in the comments these enticing krazy krampus kollections:

"Wild Xmas With Bomarr Vol. 9" - Bomarr's been making these superb collections for years, and, as he writes: "I swear these mixes get weirder and weirder every year." He compiled this "after hours and hours of digging deep" and I'd believe it - I haven't heard of any of these artists. 

Cat A Wallers' Xmas Mixes is a new site, a work in progress, but already has a couple of things up, inc. a not-safe-for-work "Rude-Ass Christmas Mix," so that's gotta be good.

While I still had a functional office, I was able to re-up by request:

A Steelband Calypso Christmas

Rockin' Disco Santa Claus

Brave Combo - "Christmas In July"

Bah Humbug - The Alternative Christmas Album

Christmas 2001: A Space-Age Adventure

The "Space-Age Santa" collection from a couple Christmases ago featured a track "from a kiddie xian xmas album that I found in a thrift-shop called "Christmas 2001: A Space-Age Adventure"; I actually digitized the whole thing, but, believe me, you don't need to hear it." Well,apparently someone DID need to hear it cuz yesterday I got this comment: "I would do anything to hear "Christmas 2001: A Space-Age Adventure" again. My children's choir at church performed this in December of '79. You said you digitized it... Is it something I could hear?" 

You'd do ANYTHING, eh..?  *Makes diabolical face, rubs hands together* Mwa-ha-ha-haaa! Oh, all right, here it is:

Flo Price - Christmas 2001 A Space-Age Adventure

We Wish You A Wild Xmas

I'm probably outta here 'til sometime in January. Thanks to all my wonderful readers and contributors. You-all make it happen.

Reader Eric writes to us to requesting what sounds like a pretty amazing bit of Christmas darkness and sick humor, Noah Quisenberry's "Daddy Came Home On Christmas," in which a boy murders his sexually abusive father. It's the merriest Christmas ever!  I don't have it. Anyone? Snippets of it can be hear in the last minute or so of this vid, from a series about outsider music that we've covered here before.  This one's an all-xmas special.

As long as we're searching for lost records, Brian from AZ is desperately seeking the b-side to that lovable old coot Walter Brennan's "Space Mice," called "Thievin' Stranger," another one I don't have. See folks, I really don't have every weird record ever made.  Not even close. Make their Christmas wishes come true!

Someone who does have a lot of strange/bad/outsider/unusual Christmas record is Bomarr, who's back with his latest collection:

"Wild Xmas Vol. 8"

featuring goodies like a Rodd Keith (under the name Rodd Rogers) song-poem, R. Stevie Moore, a Brazilian nugget from Caetano Veloso, the video-game bloopiness of 8-Bit Synthtown, and some Staxx soul from Carla Thomas. 

 And I had to put my nomination for the Worst Christmas Record back on-line, just because.

Need a last-minte gift suggestion? Darryl Bullock's book "The World's Worst Records," from the stellar blog of the same name. Get a 16-song download wth it, too.  I'm gonna sit on Santa's lap and ask for a copy. Or at least I'll try, until security rousts me out again. DAMN them. 

And nothing says "Christmas spirit" like sappy music from an irate right-wing talk-radio host: Glenn Beck's "Believe Again."  He claims it will have you dancing and crying at the same time.  Isn't that what goths and Morrisey fans do?

Jaymz Bee & The Royal Jelly Orchestra - "A Christmas Cocktail"

I had a request for the Ridiculous Trio Plays the Stooges album, but I can't find a couple of songs: "Scene Of The Crime/Death Trip" and "We Will Fall." Anyone, anyone? Thanks! re: the "Merry Chrismash" collection I posted a few days ago - I bring you glad tidings of an improved bitrate version of that most glorious bit of irritainment, "All Your Christmases," thanks to Adrian of Satan's Little Helper who personally sent it our way, available via divshare here: Satan's Little Helper: "All Your Christmases" And now our musical sleigh ride moves on to the snazzy sounds of Jaymz Bee & The Royal Jelly Orchestra. We've posted several albums by this most entertaining Canadian lounge parodist, and if you've been diggin' them, then you'll want to throw back this potent potable, what with it's finger-snappin' Rat Pack-ready versions of "Rudolph" and "Jingle Bells," bossa nova versions of "The Christmas Song" and "Let It Snow," the Andrews Sisters-like close harmony vox of The Beehive Singers, a '70s action theme wah-wah guitar "Sleigh Ride," and the Esquivel-esque "White Christmas", complete with Latin percussion and "zoo-zoo-POW!" vocals.  There's a few original songs here as well, inc. the smooth title track, and one called "Space Age Santa" that you can add to the collection. Jaymz Bee & The Royal Jelly Orchestra - "A Christmas Cocktail" (1997) UPDATE: Track 1 somehow got left out of the original folder. The above zippyshare link now includes it, and here's the divshare link of just "Jingle Bells" for those of you who already dl-ed the album:  "Jingle Bells"  1. Jingle Bells

2. Rudolph The Red Nosed Raindeer

3. It's Christmas Time (Oh Yeah)

4. Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

5. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

6. White Christmas

7. Winter Wonderland

8. The Christmas Song

9. Christmas Cocktail

10. Sleigh Ride

11. Space Age Santa

12. Carol Of The Bells

13. The Little Drummer Boy

MERRY CHRISMASH (AND A SOUND COLLAGE-Y NEW YEAR)

Word has it that some of you Maniacs have been looking for Wayne Butane's hilariously profane kooky kristmas kut-up in the handy popular mp3 format in all it's 12-minute glory. I figgured, well, if I'm going to post it, might as well post a whole mess of other holiday themed sound collages. These are some of the must-haves, the classics, mostly from the Golden Age of Mashups, the 2000s. Not included: anything featured on djBC's series of "Santastic" comps (number 8 just came out) since they are all still available. "A Mutated Christmas", likewise is also still in print, thru illegalart. And don't forget People Like Us' "Sounds of Christmas."  But that still leaves plenty. Many of the "biggest" names in the field are featured here, but the ultimate just might be "All Your Christmases" which is nothing more than 7-and-a-half minutes of the word "christmas" taken from inumerable old xmas records artfully strung together, courtesy of Australia's Alias Frequencies. It's so great, and so annoyingly evil, bwa ha ha!

MERRY CHRISMASH

01 cassetteboy - xxxxmas
02 Voicedude - Here Comes Santa Claus In Black (Elvis Presley Vs. AC/DC )
03 The Kleptones - Bling Crosby
04 The Bran Flakes - Lovely Sleigh Ride
05 Satan's Little Helper - All your Xmases
06 Evolution Control Committee - The Christmas Wrong
07 My Favorite Things (PISs covering Negativland)
08 A Very Special Wayne Butane Christmas
09 V/Vm (Michael Jackson vs Paul McCartney) - Simply
10 The Bran Flakes - Here Comes Santa
11 cuechamp - 942003 (Nutcracker vs Daft Punk)
12 BigBadBaz - Christmas in Compton
13 Jima vs George W. Bush - The Night Before Christmas
14 JoolsMF (BuenaVista vs Beatles vs DrDre) - Havana Good Christmas
15 Gordyboy - bam bam the Cavalry (Toots and the Maytalls vs Jonie Lewis)
16 BuG - 12 boots of xmasx
17 Culturcide - Depressed Christmas
18 BRAT Productions - Chemical Christmas
19 fukjamum - Hankys Park Minimix
20 rx - Happy RxMas & a Whole Lotta Love
21 John Oswald - White
(plus: hideous bonus track!)

CHRISTMAS IN JULY - SILLY 78S EDITION

Count Otto Black has been sending us an amazing smorgasbord of shellac lately, including these three seasonal numbers, just in time for these hot, humid months.  The Count sez: "here's a 78 which has to be the WORST seasonal release ever! It's a sermon rather than an actual song, which is a pity, because a song with a title like "Death May Be Your Christmas Gift" would undoubtedly have been covered by the Smiths, and/or possibly Joy Division. In fact, it's so depressing that I'd better add another Xmas 78 which is a little bit more seasonal...another of Spike Milligan's Goon Show spin-off 78s, "I'm Walking Backwards For Christmas". Spike, incidentally, is playing a regular minor Goon Show character called Webster Smogpule, and his pianist (Peter Sellers) is credited as "Reuben Croucher". Merry Christmas, everybody!

SILLY 78S - CHRISTMAS

1. Unknown Creepy Preacher - Death May Be Your Christmas Gift
2. Gayla Peevey - I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas
3. The Goons - I'm Walking Backwards For Christmas


(UPDATE 7/18: I think the preacher is Rev. A.W. Nix. )

SPACE-AGE SANTA

William Shatner! Theremins! Daleks! Annoying child singers!  Truly, this is what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown. 

If we must be subjected to Christmas music every year, at least let's make it bad/strange futuristic-y sci-fi songs. Space travel and Christmas - two things that have nothing to do with each other.  So why are there so many songs about both? Maybe cuz kids love 'em both. Or because Santa's reindeer routine was a wormhole-like traveling thru space/time? Or cuz everyone gets sick of "White Christmas" after a while? Regardless, here are 24 mainly '50s/'60s songs collected over the years, stuffed into one handy stocking:

SPACE-AGE SANTA
(Is this divshare business working?)
Space-Age Santa (Zippyshare)

These tunes are mostly off hopelessly obscure 45s, but I added artist info, if any

01 Hal Bradley Orch wPatty Marie Jay - SpaceAge Santa Claus
02 Zoot, Zoot, Zoot Here Comes Santa In His New Space Suit - Tiny Tim and Bruce Haack (as previously discussed)
03 Introduction-Hooray For Santa Claus - Miton DeLugg (from the badfilm classic "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians)
04 I Cloned Myself For Christmas - Neutron 606
05 Good King Wenceslas - Douglas Leedy (from a Buchla - not Moog - album from the late '60s that's all pretty cool, but this is the stand-out track.)
06 The Go Go's - I'm Gonna Spend My Christmas With A Dalek (No, not those Go-Gos, this was a '60s British studio "group.")
07 Outer Space Santa - Lawrence Welk's Little Band
08 Santa and the Satellite - another proto-mashup from Buchanan & Goodman
09 Northern Telecom - I Want An OC192 For Christmas 
10 moog cookbook - santa claus is coming to town (time-traveling to the '90s for this nutty instro)
11 Tim Dinkins - Santa's Rocket
12 Take A Ride On Santa's Rocket - The Sounds Extraordinare
13 Bobby Helms - Captain Santa Claus (Yep, the "Jingle Bell Rock" guy)
14 Lothars - Oh Holy Night (great contemporary theremin group)
15 barry gordon - Zoomah the Santa Claus from Mars
16 The Servotron Evaluation of the Christmas Season
17 Fountains of Wayne - I Want an Alien for Christmas (more actual not-old music! From their 2005 album "Out-Of-State Plates")
18 a sonovox (a kind of '40s vocoder) version of "rudolph"
19 troy hess - christmas on the moon (singing 6 year with thick hick accent - OUCH)
20 William Shatner - Good King Wenceslas (hearing all the verses, recited in Captain Kirk's ponderous delivery, reminds me that I have no idea what the hell this song is about)
21 Scene 1 Come Rejoicing-Its The Very Best Time of The Year-Make A Joyful Noise (from a kiddie xian xmas album I found in a thrift-shop called "Christmas 2001 A Space-Age Adventure"; I actually digitized the whole thing, but, believe me, you don't need to hear it)
22 Christmas in the Stars (from the infamous "Star Wars Christmas" album; I also have this one on vinyl - featuring a young Jon Bon Jovi! - but you REALLY don't need to hear the whole thing)
23 MIT computer 1962 carols
24 Space Age Santa Claus - Gus de Wert Trio (Incredibly, a cover of track #1)

Thanks to J-Unit 1!

WE WISH YOU AN ANNOYING ANIMAL-SOUNDS NOVELTY MUSIC CHRISTMAS

My attempt to post an album a day has failed miserably after only 10 days. I blame society. No matter, for look at the goodies laid out under our tree by St Nick's filthy ne'er-do-well cousin, St. Dick. And according to St. Dick, nothing says holiday cheer better than the flatulent sounds of sampled pig snorts and grunts. One of my all-time xmas atrocities, re-upped just for you: 

The Jingle Bellies Christmas Album: POT-BELLIED PIGS SING HOLIDAY FAVORITES

We must have been awfully naughty this year, cuz Jolly Old St Dick just excreted this into our stocking:

Top Dog: Howliday Favorites In Dog (1994)

You remember Don Carlos' Singing Dogs, and their classic version of "Jingle Bells"?  Can you take a whole album of such schtick? Of course, I can - I live for this stuff, y'know.  And my daughter handed me this CD yesterday with the instruction: "I wanna doggie song." Didn't seem to bother her at all. There are some nice arrangements on here, like the swingin' jazz of the opener "Santa Claws."  The (non-christmas) gospel song "Oh Happy Day" gets new lyrics sung by a cute kid as "Oh Happy Dog." The standards are all here, from "Angels We Have Herd" right up thru "Old Fang's Whine." There's even the now-obligatory Hanukkah medley, featuring "Howlin' Nagila."

This album is the work of Craig Huxley, who started off in show-biz as a child actor, appearing in some original "Star Trek" episodes, and has been associated with "Trek" ever since, even - yes! - becoming 'the music director for William Shatner...helping to create arrangements of songs such as "Rocket Man", and "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", according to wiki.  I now worship this guy. It gets even better: "To date, he has recorded three albums, Howliday Favorites in Dog, Slam Dunk'n Hoes and Howlin' Classics - from Bark to Beethoven. As of 2012, he is working on his fourth album, Patriotic Pooches, to be released during the 2012 election." Good to know that there's more of this stuff out there. (Although I'm pretty sure it's a different Top Dog who made Slam Dunk'n Hoes.)

ALBUM DU JOUR #10: Tiny Tim's Christmas Album

Still trying to post an album a day, to keep you-all fully loaded for when I take my holiday break.  The Iron Man of Blogging continues!

Today's album pretty much does what it says on the tin - unlike the stripped-down Tiny Tim album I posted last week, this is a big-budget, fully orchestrated work (except for one solo uke tune) that suggests that some nut thought that a modern Tiny Tim album might actually have commercial potential. This album certainly starts off as normal anything Tiny ever did, but goes off the rails eventually, as we all knew it would, with an epic version of "Silent Night" that features a pulpit-pounding sermon from a fiery "Reverend" Tim.  What the..?  Also far from silent is the incredibly bombastic 8-minute medley. The songs are the same ol' same ol' until we get to the last few tracks, when Tim finally gets to dig into his bag of old-fashioned obscurites.

His famous falsetto is still in effect on this 1996 release - shortly after this release he claimed he couldn't sing like that any more.

Tiny Tim's Christmas Album

1. Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer

2. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

3. That's What I Want For Christmas

4. I Saw Mommy Kissin Santa Claus

5. White Christmas

6. The Christmas Song

7. O Holy Night

8. Silent Night

9. Medley: O Come All Ye Faithful/Hark The Herald Angels Sing/O Little Town Of Bethlehem/Amazing Grace/Throw Out The Lifeline

10. Rainbow On The River

11. Mission Bell

12. What A Friend We Have In Jesus

Worst Christmas Album Of The Year...

...is by the Stone Temple Pilots guy Scott Weiland. Listen to it streaming here (if you dare).

The first song had me thinking that he just might pull it off, but then...it was hard to listen to "I'll Be Home For Christmas," which you can listen to/download

HERE

without spitting out my eggnog in laughter. The absurd crooner vibrato and wavering pitch of the former rocker/junkie/jailbird is backed by "sophisticated" orchestrations, pseudo-calypso, cheezy Casio drum-machine lounge, and even the whitest kind of Jimmy Buffet-reggae. Won't knock out Dylan's xmas atrocity as 'worst holiday album ever by a rocker,' but Bob does now have some serious competition. Merry Kissmyass!